Captured In His Reflection

Choosing JOY

2012-01-23T11:58:00.001-06:00

Yesterday, we began our January Bible Study with Bob Allison from International Center for Biblical Counseling of Texas. His message was so explicit and thought provoking. The topic was “SOUL-BONDS” and he talked about “Breaking Negative Spiritual and Emotional Bonds of the Heart and Soul.” Wow! Heavy stuff! This is a topic so many people are plagued by yet remain in a query as to how to deal with. Loved it! I could think of so many people who would benefit from the information we received…pretty much everyone I’ve ever come in contact with during my life. After all, who is immune to sin? To no surprise, the topic touched the hearts and minds of every person present.

It is not often we get the basic how-to guide, step-by-step instructions or self-application process handed to us…for mending our heart and soul…you know, the simplified version of the one buried in scripture. Short of seeking a good Christian counselor, usually the only way to approach this process is to delve into a life-application study Bible, pray, read, study, pray some more and work through it with God’s help and His healing.

I have done the latter and have conquered forgiveness. First and foremost, I have repented and I know I have been forgiven for my sins. Secondly, I have forgiven others who have sinned against me. Thirdly, I have dealt with guilt and have forgiven myself. Forgetting, on the other hand, is another matter entirely. Forgetting may come after a time and the scars may heal and fade, yet they are forever present. We know God has the ability to turn our ashes to beauty. In other words, if we let Him have complete control in our life, He will turn our scars of brokenness into His lessons which provide strides of remarkable strength as we comfort others in the same way He has comforted us. This He has taught me. This I have learned. This I know to be true.

So how do you begin to forget? You must practice choosing JOY. I choose JOY as a result of making a conscious and constant effort to walk and live in the Spirit. By that I mean I continuously remind myself that my body is the temple of God and His Spirit resides within me. He provides continuous guidance and intervention in my life…giving me clarity and insight into the ways and truths of my Father. You could say I am captured in His reflection…for I am…forevermore.

“Do you not know that you are the temple of God and that the Spirit of God dwells in you?” ~ I Cor 3:16 NKJV

The Holy Spirit guards, guides, instructs and encourages me to walk in Christ’s likeness and to seek the absolute and extreme ways of my Father. I long to know Him better so I continually pray and delve into His Word. I choose praise and worship music on my radio. I listen to Christian speakers and read books written by Christian authors. I make only selective choices watching television and my viewing is minimal. This keeps my mind and my focus stayed on God, my Father; Christ Jesus, my Savior; and the Holy Spirit residing within. JOY is mine, dear friends! Yes, He is my JOY…my fullness and my eternal peace. He never leaves me nor forsakes me. He loves me unconditionally. He answers my prayers. He walks with me and talks with me, teaching me along the way. He sent His only Son to die in my place so that I may have eternal life. He knows every hair on my head and every tear I have cried and everything about me...and He still loves me and cares for me so deeply. Am I immune to Satan hurling his darts? No! Does this mean when I am blind-sided by Satan that I no longer regress? Yes! In this life, I have been laughed at, ridiculed, chastised and been written off for being “too Holy.” Does that bother me? No, it no longer bothers me in the least. The more Godly traits that are instilled in me, the more my Father expects of me and the more extreme I probably seem to many in this world. I am human. I am not flawless. As I have said before, there have been and will be seasons of sadness. There will be failures (lessons), but I am not to dwell there. God has no purpose for me in that. In the same sense, the same JOY that I now reside in is also yours for the asking and He has no purpose in your dwelling in your past...in those places of sin’s bondage. Satan will use every tactic possible to hold you there and attempt to steal your JOY but if you clothe yourself in righteousness, put on the armor of God, practice thinking on things pure and holy, abide in Christ Jesus by calling on the Holy Spirit throughout your day, JOY will triumph in your life as well! I can only imagine how it will be in Heaven where JOY is no longer a choice after our lessons, but instead it is a constant way of life. Practice kingdom living now by choosing JOY!

Captured in His reflection,

Prayerbytes

2012-01-10T10:54:00.002-06:00

Treasure EVERY bite out of life! No matter the size, treasure it! Whether a bite or a byte, treasure it! Remember that “time waits for no one” and “happiness is a journey, not a destination.” Sometimes this is hard to consciously remember in our fast-paced world of megabytes and gigabytes but if you practice small “prayerbytes,” engaging our Father and turning your disappointments, frowns, aggravations and frustrations into hope, smiles, chuckles and happiness, you will cross major milestones toward good health, well being, peace and joy. Then go a little farther and also turn your idle moments or wasted time into “prayerbytes!” While waiting on your computer, on your phone, on an elevator, in line, on a doctor or in traffic…no matter where the wait, turn those otherwise wasted moments or voids in your life, into “prayerbytes.” Get into the habit of walking and talking with God at every given opportunity. Before you know it, the more time you seek Him, the more you will find Him. The more time you find Him, the more you will want Him. The more time you want Him, the more you will need Him! The more time you need Him, the more you will love Him. The more time you love Him, the more you will seek Him…and the cycle repeats…the cycle of a Christ-filled life…a full life…one with no voids.

Remember “The Dash” by Linda Ellis? The poem emphasizes that life is what happens between the beginning and the end. It is everything, including what we deem insignificant. The poem speaks volumes and no truer words have ever been written. I caught myself dwelling on this yesterday while talking and sharing some tears with my best friend from high school. I am in the bad habit of unconsciously saying..."when the house is finished I want to do this, or let's do thus and such.” Last week, after my aunt’s funeral, I said to many of my relatives, “When the house is finished, I want to have a family reunion!” Yesterday, while talking with my dear friend regarding one of our high school classmates who just passed away, I caught myself saying, “We need to get together when the house is finished…I want to have a slumber party!”

Whether we say good-bye to a family member or a friend, there is not only a void, there is a reminder that one day we will face the end of our own earthly journey as well. This shouldn’t jolt our “I’m fine and everything is ok” status, but it does. Why? We stare time in the face and take a long look at our own life which is full of voids. Perhaps we’ve wasted valuable time. During loss we are suffering a measurement of pain and sorrow, but amidst that there is a subdued urgency to reunite with those we have not seen or talked with in a long time. Yes, there is an immediate overwhelming sense of urgency to gather together those we care most about. Why? It is because we want to hurriedly fill in the voids in our life. Yes, we must fill our wasted time with moments to remember and cherish...moments we will not regret losing. We want to stop taking life for granted and fill in every precious moment we have left with those we care about.

Wow, how much more does our Father want us to fill our moments with Him? While God deserves our very best and not the crumbs from our life, He often receives our leftovers. Sometimes He is not given the smallest bite out of life; however, you can change that and begin today. If you are out of practice, you can begin with small bites of time…yes, with “prayerbytes.” Before long, He is not simply residing within while waiting for you; He is living through your very existence, within the very breath you take, thoughts you think, sights you see, words you speak and He is guiding your hands and your every step. Once you’re in step with God, The Father, your step gets lighter and your joy is eternal. Then, God becomes the significant part of your “dash.” Like those who mean the most to you, He won’t have to wait for a void in your life in order to reunite with you.

Thank you, Father, for reminding me that time is a precious gift. Thank you for steering my being to prayer and the growing desire within me of Your presence. Thank you for reminding me that each day You give me, I am to fill my life with meaningful moments…moments with You and those You place in my path. Please help me to live a full and complete life within Your will, Father, and to live out and exemplify Your eternal JOY in every step we take together! Amen.

Captured in His reflection,

"Joy Comes In The Morning"

2012-01-06T09:22:00.005-06:00

Sing unto the Lord, O ye saints of his, and give thanks at the remembrance of his holiness. For his anger endureth but a moment; in his favour is life: weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.
~Psalm 30:4-5

A life of eternal joy trumps a season of sadness, every time!
After attending a funeral yesterday, of my dear aunt, I was temporarily saddened when a notice popped up in my inbox this morning, “Rita Martin turns 86 on Januray 13.” The message took me by surprise and it took another minute for me to smile again, realizing she is no longer aging and is residing in eternal joy.

While roses are beautiful, their thorns will periodically prick us and draw blood. I praise You, Father, thanking You immensely for the roses…while I am ever grateful for the thorns.

“Experiencing” hurt and “facing” hurt are both personally painful, yet “facing” hurt can be much more agonizing.

“Experiencing” hurt causes personal, physical or emotional pain, followed by healing, sometimes a scar and possibly memories which cause us to “face” or unlock the hurt at our discretion. There are so many hurts and areas of sadness which surface as a result of death, divorce, addiction, abuse, lies, cheating, molestation, rape, bigotry, theft, gossip, etc. The list of causes is long, indeed.

“Facing” hurt means looking directly into the pain, delving in it, as well as the underlying cause and long-term effect. It means studying the tributaries of the pain and digging way beneath the surface hurt in order to analyze its origin...all the while placing ourself in the individual shoes of those concerned as well as questioning all the possible repercussions in the future.

I speak from personal experience when I say that facing hurts is not easy, especially those which we may have inflicted upon others. True enough, we are all inherently sinful and have all fallen short; however, many times these Biblical facts do not weigh heavily enough in our heart and mind to compensate for Satan’s thorns or skillful ways to use guilt against us. Satan has a way of blindsiding us even after we have asked for forgiveness and have been forgiven. Just when we think we are ok, back on track and standing boldly for Christ, a thorn pricks us! Out of the blue, here comes a remark or something you read concerning an aspect of the hurt…and wow, it can take the wind right out of our sails. You regress and face the hurt once again. Satan would love to keep us there where he attempts to infiltrate our stance and cause us uncertainty and doubt. His playing field is built on insecurity and he would love nothing more than to keep us subdued. How do we handle it?

"Cast thy burden upon the LORD, and he shall sustain thee: he shall never suffer the righteous to be moved." -Psalm 55:22

How does it end? When does this “Joy” that “comes in the morning” totally and permanently replace yesterday’s sadness? Well, it only happens when we let it. How do we “let” it? The ONLY way to replace sadness with joy is to CHOOSE JOY! Merely saying, “I choose joy” will not cause permanent JOY. We must truly put joy into practice and focus on living out our joy in Christ Jesus. The first thing we must do is focus more on Christ than we do ourselves. We must replace our sadness with His joy. The only reason to regress and think on the lesson God has taught you during your time of pain and sadness is when you utilize it for His good in helping others or drawing others to Him.

“Hold on, my child, JOY comes in the morning!”

Has Jesus not endured all possible facets of the hurts we face? Has He not chosen the right path and pointed us in the right direction? Has He not forgiven our sin and saved us from ourselves? Did He not die so that we might have eternal life with Him? Does not the JOY in Him and everlasting life surpass all momentary earthly circumstances of sadness or hurt in which Satan often tampers? Are we not more than conquerors? Do we believe what we say we believe? Then, by all means, let’s live it…boldly and corageously!

"And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose." -Romans 8:28

Father, God, I love You and I praise You with all that is within me. I thank You for Jesus and what He means to me. I thank You, Father, for Your omnipotent power to work all things together for my good. I pray for everyone within a season of sadness, that we may always look toward you for guidance, and hope in our tomorrows. May we choose JOY in Christ and boldly align our lives with Him on a regular basis. May we consistently walk courageously with You while wearing Your armor which You have provided for us. Father, God…thank You for Your many roses, for the thorns and especially for the eternal JOY You provide when those thorns prick us. Father, we not only choose JOY today, we proclaim it in Jesus’ name. Amen.

Captured in His reflection,

Yesterday, A Season Of Sadness…Tomorrow, A Season Of Joy

2011-12-31T22:09:00.007-06:00

Reflections from 2011… ”This too shall pass,” for tomorrow will bring a new day!

“In this you greatly rejoice, even though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been distressed by various trials, that the proof of your faith, being more precious than gold which perishes, even though tested by fire, may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ.” ~ 1 Peter 1:6-7 (NIV)

Facing trials, adversity, hurt and sadness…these are all part of life and nobody is immune. As God’s children, we are to find joy in all things, celebrating our trials and we are to seek His presence. We are to rest in our faith and the assurance that He is working all things according to His divine purpose and His will for our ultimate good. This I know. This I have learned.

It may come as a surprise to you since I have not written in so long, that there has not been any change in my overwhelming desire to write and share the truths I’ve encountered along my Christian life journey. There have been some things which compelled me to spend much time in prayer seeking God’s instruction, to remain still, listen intently, think deeply and take action. These things, while growing me, pulled me away from my computer. Whatever the case, the Word of God spoken to me and the spiritual life lessons I have gleaned from my Father, I fully intend to write about and share with you. I pray you are encouraged.

First of all, I spent a tremendous amount of time traveling during the fall and winter months of 2010, driving back and forth to Smithville, Texas…visiting my brother and sister-in-law and helping with the care of my mother. This is when my writing began to fade, yet my desire to share kingdom living was growing. There are many experiences regarding real-life situations with family, caregivers and an aging parent. There is overwhelming thankfulness inside me because my mom’s last months were spent with my brother, Darold, and his loving wife, Pat. My reasons…some personal…could fill a book. The most precious moments and happiest days my mother had seen or been a part of occurred while in Smithville. She was cared for with much love, kindness and attentiveness and she was treated with genuine respect and dignity. She was also awakened each morning by an angelic voice (Pat) greeting her with coffee and a hug, causing her to smile and simply enjoy being alive to face another day. She was candid and alert while living there and a joy filled her that I hadn’t seen in many years. My heart is full as I sincerely write, “I will never be able to say thank you enough to Pat and Darold.”

In December and also in January of 2011, I was very sick with the flu. My body temperature was up and the temperature outside was down. We didn’t have heat installed and the temperature got down to 9 degrees inside our house. I did not have the strength to go outside and get firewood and bring it in to start a fire in the wood stove. I lived under an electric blanket. On day 17 of my illness, I was not getting any better so I went to the doctor and got two rounds of antibiotic, some other medication and was given a shot. On January 15th, the day I took my last antibiotic pill, my brother, Darold, called and said I should come to the hospital because momma was ill. I was weak but drove 6 hours in the rain, and spent that night praying, crying and simply listening to my mother breathe. I was alone with her when she took her final breath the following morning, January 16, 2011. She was 88 years old and she was looking forward to her homecoming. It was difficult to be sad because I knew how much she wanted to leave this world behind and enter Heaven’s gates. I rested in the assurance that she was so happy now, in Heaven with our Father and loved ones. That was a great comfort. The prayers and well wishes from family and friends were also felt and so deeply appreciated. My husband, who was working in Madagascar, tried to come be with me for the funeral but got stranded in Johannesburg and didn’t make it home. I spent a good bit of time with family before returning to Junction alone. Then, when I did return home, I experienced such a deep loss all alone and rested solely in my Father’s arms. I wasn’t sad for momma…not in the least. She lived a long life and was ready to go home. I was merely suffering from such a deep void…one that resulted in many involuntary tears…but my tears of sadness were always counterbalanced with tears of joy.

Just prior to mom’s passing, a hunter was trespassing on our property and he shot and killed my beautiful golden Lab, Big Boy. Big Boy was my steady companion, running partner, friend and protector while my husband was working away. He was previously owned by a man who ran a “puppy mill” and Big Boy had fathered many pups. I was not familiar with such a thing until I met and befriended this dog and learned his history. When he arrived at my home, it was the first time he had ever been outside of a cage or pen and the first time he had rode in a vehicle. Everything was a first and brand new to him. He was terrified and so surprised at every turn that he continually wanted to run away, which he did...three times. Finally, though, the fear and cowering down ended because I showered so much love, care, time and attention on him. His chain was permanently removed and he experienced true freedom for the first time in his life. He was free to leave or stay and he chose happily to stay by my side. I was deeply saddened when he died but happy he got to experience freedom and genuine love while he was with me.

Isn't that how it sometimes is in our relationship with our Heavenly Father? We run away from Him because it’s all too new or too different. We either don't understand the truth, or we don't want to relinquish our prideful self will to His way or His control so we turn away. He is so patient though, and so kind and caring. He is always there for us to turn to and He continually wants to provide the best for us...always offering His forgiveness, showing us kindness and so much genuine love and mercy. He always gives us the freedom to choose a life with Him or to walk alone. How could we possibly cower away or choose a life without Him? He is the Provider of our salvation. He is the One who can give us the true happiness we are searching for.

I then threw myself into plans for the finished work on our house…first and foremost the central air and heating system. DONE! After that, in any direction you looked there was work accomplished and work yet to be done. As the contractors worked inside, I began major cleanup outside and developed a much needed front yard! The progress on our house is ongoing and that’s ok. In the meantime, I am living life and pressing onward along my journey.

During the course of 2011, I lost my mother and my Lab. My sister-in-law, Gloria, lost her mother and step-father. My sister-in-law, Pat, lost her sister. My sister-in-law, Dina, lost her mother. My cousin, Betty, lost her husband. My cousin, Deb, watched her husband suffer three strokes and face rehabilitation in order to walk again. My precious Aunt Rita, my mother’s sister, first lost her son and then she suffered a stroke two days before Christmas and is currently in in-hospital hospice care. In addition to relatives, I have lost very dear friends and some of my very close friends have lost their loved ones. I also have loved ones and friends who are currently experiencing and/or struggling with other issues as well as major life changes.

Such is the cycle of life and its trials, adversity, hurt and sadness. And you know what? It’s ok to have a season of sadness. That season is where we usually look inside ourselves and have the opportunity to grow, opening our heart’s door and drawing closer to God. While He holds us closely and carries us through, we are attentive and looking to Him for answers. While He has our undivided attention, He reminds us that He is and has always been our eternal Caregiver. Yes, His love and care for His children are eternal, if only we seek His face and follow Him.

So if you are presently in or have experienced a season of sadness, turn to God and expect Him to bring you through it into a brighter tomorrow…for He will remove ALL your sadness in His time and replace it with true joy…yes, with an eternal JOY!

My wish for you is to reside in His eternal JOY in the New Year!

Captured in His reflection,

Remember Them...and Always Remember For Them!

2010-07-02T22:10:00.017-05:00

Happy Fourth of July! Have I told you lately just how GREAT it is to be back in the United States of America? The words shared below were written on the Fourth of July while living in Jubail, Saudi Arabia last year. Oh, but this Fourth of July I am home! Yes, I am home on American soil, PRAISE GOD FOR THE LAND OF THE FREE AND THE HOME OF THE BRAVE! I am so blessed and thankful to be an AMERICAN!!! GOD BLESS THE U.S.A.!!!

Remember Them...and Always Remember For Them!

Fourth of July, 2006, I wrote… "I just wanted to say thank you very much to each and everyone for all your genuine concern and prayers during my brother's illness. His fight with pancreatic cancer was one of the most courageous I have ever seen. Paul Perry DuBose arrived in Texas on February 17th with the news that Florida doctors gave him six months to one year to live. He was able to begin treatments at M.D. Anderson quickly and we anchored ourselves in prayer and rested in the assurance that all things were in God's control. They still are and we are not to ask why...but simply remain steadfast and remember...'not my will, but Thine.' Paul was 64 years old on May 4, 2006. He told us good-bye on Thursday, June 29th in momma's front yard in Brazoria, Texas. It was a very sad day when we waved good-bye to him as he began his return trip to Florida. We all realized it would be the last time we would see him alive this side of Heaven. Before he left, as he reached out his car door and said good-bye to momma in her scooter, he reminded her of months before when she had said 'I don't have long down here and I will be with your daddy soon...' and Paul had replied, 'don't say that momma...you don't know how long you have...none of us do...when or where...any of us might go before you do.' He also told her...'when his time came...not to feel guilty that she could not make the trip to Florida.' He ended his talk with 'I'll be waiting for you, mother.' Needless to say, momma still needs your prayers. Paul went to be with our Heavenly Father on July 4, 2006. If he had to leave us, then this was the perfect day for him...a day full of patriotism and celebrating our freedom, which he knew personally was so costly. It was also a day of his own personal freedom from suffering any longer. It was very befitting because if my brother had been well, he would have been on a run with his Vietnam Veteran Harley buddies to visit The Wall on such a day...to remember those POWs, MIAs and all those who'd fallen. He was not at The Wall and he was not on his bike, but I am sure he got to see some of them today. I love him so much and I will surely miss him down here...for he was my voice with the National Rifle Association, my reminder to speak out and stand up for what I believe in. And he was my constant reminder to never forget those who gave their all so we could enjoy our blessed freedom. Please remember him...and always remember for him."

On Friday, July 7, 2006, in Gulf Breeze, Florida, Paul Perry DuBose's earthly body was escorted to Barrancas National Cemetery in Pensacola, Florida by a thundering mile of Harleys carrying some of our nation’s bravest men and women…who will continue to remember him and remember for him.

DUBOSE, PAUL PERRY
MSGT US AIR FORCE
AE3 US NAVY
VIETNAM
DATE OF BIRTH: 05/04/1942
DATE OF DEATH: 07/04/2006
BARRANCAS NATIONAL CEMETERY
NAVAL AIR STATION, PENSACOLA, FL

DUBOSE, PAUL PERDEPT
EM3 US NAVY
WORLD WAR II
DATE OF BIRTH: 05/07/1921
DATE OF DEATH: 06/22/2003
HERRIN CEMETERY
BON WEIR, TX

Fourth of July, 2009, I wrote… "Well, it is 3:45 a.m. and I cannot sleep. I am listening to the first of five prayer calls which will sound loudly over the speakers throughout Saudi Arabia today just as they do every day. The humming and singing of the monotonous praying chants from lost souls are vibrating through the walls and windows of this villa where my husband and I reside. My thoughts turn to my dad and my brother who are in heaven. This is the first time in my life I am not at home in the United States of America on the Fourth of July. Instead of enjoying a fireworks celebration proclaiming thankfulness for our freedom and participating in memorial services in remembrance of those fallen, I am listening, with very little freedom, to the lost who surround me in this foreign country. Most people of this culture despise the U.S.A., which I hold so dear to my heart. I so miss the celebration of my country today and what it stands for. I miss it as much as I miss jumping in my vehicle and driving to church to worship my one true God with my church family back home. I cannot comprehend the number of lost souls here…yes, some of the very souls Christ died to save. It draws my thoughts, in comparison on this day, to the number of people back home who have forsaken their freedoms which were bought and paid for, first by Jesus’ blood on Calvary, and secondly by the blood of our military. How can anyone take so lightly the cost that was paid so dearly for each of us? My oldest brother, Paul, lived his life to serve our country. He served in the Navy then retired from the Air Force about the same time they retired his C-130 Gunship, the SPECTRE. As I was re-reading one of his last e-mails to me (below), I am naturally thinking of him today, not just because he died on this day, but because he served my Country so proudly...as did my dad, my two other older brothers, my older son and his dad…uncles, cousins, nephews, a niece and so many others I know and knew while living on Randolph Air Force Base and working at Fort Sam Houston in San Antonio, Texas during the Vietnam war. I want to say to them and to you, again, I will remember you and I will always remember for you!"

Here is a video clip of the type Gunship Paul served on before retiring from the military.

Paul’s letter to me written January 8, 2005… “Sis, I actually took pictures from the open back door of another C-130 of exactly this scene. (Over the Gulf of Mexico) I was taking them for study of how the new "ALE-20" dispensers would disperse the flares. It was right after the Soviet development of a "seeker head" for surface to air missiles (SAMS) that would not recognize the first (lower) acquisition, then look up to find the engine exhaust. This method of dispersing would have the seeker look up to find the overhead flares. Of course at the time I couldn't talk about it, let alone have a copy of the pictures. This could very well be the same ones. (found their way back to me) We called it what it was "The ALE-20 " ....... don't know where the "Angel Decoy" came from. Love, Paul”

This is an Air Force C-130 releasing flares to repel heat seeking Missiles. The pattern formed by these “decoys” is how the nickname, Angel decoy, came about. It's absolutely awesome! Maneuvers are usually in remote areas and over water, therefore the general public does not get to view these exercises.

TO THOSE WHO HAVE SERVED AND ARE NOW SERVING IN OUR MILITARY, THANK YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART FOR DEFENDING AND FIGHTING FOR MY COUNTRY AND THE FREEDOM I CHERISH!

I WILL REMEMBER YOU AND I WILL ALWAYS REMEMBER FOR YOU!

HAVE A HAPPY, SAFE AND MEMORABLE FOURTH OF JULY EVERYONE!!!
GOD BLESS THE U.S.A.!!!

Captured in His reflection,

Longing to Sit at the Feet of Jesus

2010-06-08T12:01:00.004-05:00

“As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked. ‘Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!’ ‘Martha, Martha,’ the Lord answered, ‘you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better and it will not be taken away from her.’ ” Luke 10:38-42 (NIV)

A couple of weeks ago someone said to me, “I am proud of you trying to be a Christian but you do not know how to separate your spiritual life from real life.” I was shocked because that is NOT something I expected to hear from this person…not something one Christian would normally say to another Christian. I quickly replied, “I am not ‘trying’ to be a Christian. I AM a Christian and there cannot be any ‘separation’ of two different lives or lifestyles for a Christian. I have only one life and it is surrendered to Jesus and I am no different on Sunday morning than I am throughout the rest of the week.” This person then told me I needed to read my Bible with an open mind, and then turned and walked away. As I so often do in similar situations, I prayed for this individual then I sat there bewildered, perplexed and longed even more to seek Jesus and sit at His feet.

Are you attempting to live two separate lives…one spiritual and another deemed “real” or “large” by the world? All too often, people spend time with God at only specific times and in just certain places. They think “life” gets in the way and they become busy with other duties or interests. I have done this in my past and believe me; it does NOT work because you begin to leave the Holy Spirit and God’s presence out completely. You may be fooling yourself but you cannot fool God. It is very simple and the Bible is very plain about it. There are no gray areas. You are either a born again believer, saved by grace or you are not. You are either a Christian (a follower of Christ living in Christ’s likeness) or not. You are either totally His or not. There are no in-betweens or half-and-halfs. The qualities and characteristics of a Christian are not to be altered to fit a busy or worldly lifestyle. They are not to be placed on a shelf or to be put on hold in order to do something else. The Holy Spirit lives within a born-again believer and He intercedes for us so we may be in direct communication with God, our Father. The Holy Spirit also gives us Jesus' insight behind the words in scripture. We are to be ever conscious of the atonement for our sins and we are to remain focused and alert to the will of God throughout our entire life. In order to do this, we must spend time alone with Him. We must walk with Him. We must read and study His Word. We must talk with Him. We must listen to Him. We must pray. We must obey Him. That is how He knows we love Him. Yes, in order to truly KNOW Him and GROW in Him, we have to be in fellowship with Christ and this priority must be FIRST in our lives...EVERY DAY. We have to give Him our mind, commune with Him, seek His direction and follow His will. We have to slow down and live the life God intended. In other words, we have to give our Most High God what He deserves…our all. How? It is simple. We place Him first and we give Him our time and our solitude.

“Some of God’s children want to discover the blessedness of spiritual aloneness, to relearn the ways of solitude and simplicity. Retire from the world each day to some private spot...Stay in the secret place till the surrounding noises begin to fade out of your heart and a sense of God's presence envelopes you. Deliberately tune out the unpleasant sounds and come out of your closet determined not to hear them. Listen for the inward Voice till you learn to recognize it...Learn to pray inwardly every moment. After a while you can do this even while you work.” ~A.W. Tozer

If you are too busy to give God time, perhaps you would be wise to contemplate A.W. Tozer’s words.

“Beware of saying, ‘I haven’t time to read the Bible or to pray’; say rather, ‘I haven’t disciplined myself to do these things.’” ~Oswald Chambers

Our Heavenly Father has supplied us with the Bread of Life and Living Water and He wants desperately to nourish us through His Word every single day. Some say, “I’ve read it, I know it,” and they pick their Bible up to carry to church on Sunday morning. Well, dear friends, God is a living God and He speaks new truths to us and reveals more of His true nature to us every day, as we read and study His Word. He speaks to us through the Holy Spirit, through other Christians and also through our circumstances. All we must do is slow down and give Him time. We must sit at His feet. Then He teaches us, guides us, redirects us, strengthens us and equips us for our journey each day.

“Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom...” Colossians 3:16 (NIV)

The same person I mentioned earlier asked me today, “When are you going to be through with this writing?” I answered, “Probably never, unless God redirects me. I will not purposefully go against His calling another time in my life.”

So…
Yes, I am guarding my heart to remain captivated in Jesus.
Yes, I am guilty of tuning out, throwing out and avoiding worldly things and attitudes which rob me of His presence.
Yes, I will continue to slow down and give Him my time.
Yes, I will continue to grow in Him.

“…mature, attaining to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ.” Ephesians 4:13 (NIV)

Yes, I will continue to sit at the precious feet of Jesus, my Lord and Savior.

“…Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.” Luke 10:42 (NIV)

Captured in His reflection,

Remain Sure in Being Unsure

2010-05-10T14:40:00.006-05:00

“…it has not yet been revealed what we shall be…” ~1 John 3:2

Isn’t it amazing how perplexing our English language really is and how narrow minded we really are sometimes? There are multiple connotations for so many words which we commonly use. The meaning may completely change depending on our tone, the word usage in a sentence, the subject matter involved or the surrounding circumstances. I have found this to be true with the simple words, “sure” and “unsure.” God has grown me to understand these words with a simple mind rather than a narrow mind. In Him, I now realize that I will always remain sure in being unsure!

In Oswald Chambers’ MY UTMOST FOR HIS HIGHEST, he writes of “Gracious Uncertainty.” He talks about how “certainty is the mark of the commonsense life---gracious uncertainty is the mark of the spiritual life.” Oswald Chambers is always turning on light bulbs for me and rattling my senses! You know those questionnaires where you are asked who you would most like to sit beside on an airplane for a 24-hour flight. Well, you guessed it…I would definitely sit next to Oswald Chambers!

As I have shared before, I have battled with perfectionism in the past. My natural instinct was one of precision…yes, always striving for perfection…to be accurate and remain sure. I now realize those are NOT the characteristics of a spiritual life. Perfectionism possesses an underlying desire to please others, thereby receiving pleasure in the accomplishment of self…otherwise known as pride! And yes, we all know pride is a killer! Being sure was definitely my goal in everything. I wrestled with an unsure state of mind on many occasions only to know in the end, I had the answer and conquered it. Right! My track record in life totally disproves “my conquering” anything except hard lessons. Within my own strength I cleaned up messes, organized situations, sought and determined answers, weighed and made decisions, lead, took action and walked away with pride in having done my best…yes, certain of conquering the ability to present myself pleasing before God, to others, and to myself. You bet!

Needless to say, my interpretation of the following was way off base:

“If a job is worth doing, it’s worth doing well.”

“Work as if working for the Master.”

A simple concept of striving for perfection was ingrained in my mind…yes, to the driving point of destruction and separation from God. My misunderstanding of the word, “sure” in being sure of myself was totally working AGAINST me. I realize I am not alone. I have known many Christians who attempt to live in surety or who attempt to control their own destiny without fully realizing it. Sometimes this trait is found in a provider where choices must be made and they are made based on how their own parents did something or according to statistics, someone’s proven track record or what is deemed as sound judgment. I have seen this trait in survivors…those whose circumstances call for immediate action and their decisions sometimes involve the livelihood of dependents as well. This trait also exists in a person of single-mindedness, where in their eyes they know best. They sell it to themselves, their right and correct solution to a given problem or in a particular situation and they take steps toward what they have concluded as the appropriate action. That is what I was doing for so many years. It only proved I was NOT depending on God, NOT walking in faith, NOT leaving tomorrow in God’s hands, and NOT truly expecting His MIRACLES or BLESSINGS in my life. I was, what I perceived, a right-minded Christian, yet I was in charge. Of course, I prayed. Yet without a sincere question to or an intervention of the Holy Spirit, I kept my timeframe in mind and determined what actions to take. When I prayed, it was as though I simply wanted God’s approval for my planned course of action within my own timeframe. I did not involve or turn anything over to the Holy Spirit. I did not wait, listen or receive His insight or His instruction. We DO live in a fast-paced world and we tend to take on the worldly attitude of commonsense actions while living within the realm of our Christianity.

Translation:

“We totally leave the Holy Spirit out of the equation as we go through the motions of a life we presume is abiding in Christ and Christ in us.”

The questions at hand are:

“How long will we refuse to KEEP our eyes on Jesus?”

“How long will we KEEP making our own decisions without the realization that God is left on the outside of our life while we simply carry the Holy Spirit within us?”

It is no wonder we often hear:

“My prayers don’t seem to go any farther than the ceiling.”

“If God is real, why doesn’t He fix this?”

“If He hears my prayers, why doesn’t He answer?”

“I can’t believe a loving God would let this happen.”

The real question for each of us is:

“Is my relationship with my Father an intimate one and do I really KNOW Him?”

It is not about a religion…going through the motions, quoting scripture and attending the church of our choice. Our Christian walk or our continuing intercession with Him or abiding in Him…yes, truly KNOWING Him is ONLY made possible through the Holy Spirit. God will NOT respond based on the fact that we made a public profession of our faith once or simply because we are praying want-it-now prayers within our circumstantial timeframe. He will, however, respond to fervent and ongoing prayer and intercession through the Holy Spirit and He will answer us within His own timeframe based on our genuine and faithful expectation in Him. YES, WE CAN DEPEND ON GOD. Our God is a God of certainty, of true organization, precision, correctness, and divine order…He is a GOD of SURETY! If we are Christian, that is, if we have accepted Christ as our Lord and Savior and we have the Holy Spirit inside us, then our life belongs to God and He graciously bestows within us, an unsure state in all other things. He does not do that for us to be confused or for us to make our own choices. He does it for us to be expectant in Him…to seek Him through the Holy Spirit and commune with Him and to keep our eyes continually focused on Jesus. If we have given Him our all, we can rest in His assurance and be sure of Him. Yes, we can be totally sure of God and it is right to be unsure in everything else. We are to cast all our cares and burdens on God and hold all our expectations in God. We are to remain SURE IN ONLY ONE THING…OUR GOD…AND HAVE UNSURETY IN ALL ELSE BECAUSE WE DEPEND TOTALLY UPON HIM.

Captured in His reflection,

Angels’ Wings… Do they exist or don’t they?

2010-04-15T00:05:00.104-05:00

Again Jesus said, "Simon son of John, do you truly love me?" He answered, "Yes, Lord, you know that I love you." Jesus said, "Take care of my sheep." ~John 21:16 (NIV)

I lived in Al-Jubail Saudi Arabia for seven months in 2009. During that time I was not allowed to drive because of my gender. Prior to that, I would jump into my vehicle and go wherever I wanted and do pretty much as I pleased. What a blessing it is to simply leave your dwelling and travel down the road! Yes, it’s a freedom that we often take for granted and have even complained about on occasion…that is, until we find ourselves in a place where we have limitations and we face the realization that our “wings” have been clipped.

When my mother could no longer walk and had to stop driving, she could still run over your toes in her wheel chair, roll around picking up pecans in the yard, rearrange furniture and door facings with her motorized scooter and mow you down if you were in front of her at Walmart.

She fell in December, 2008, breaking her leg in two places. Though healed, she is no longer mobile since she can no longer stand up and support her own weight. For those of you who do not know, my mother is not only homebound, she is also confined to her bed. Yes, she faces the daily realization that her “wings” have been clipped.

I talked with momma a few days ago and she was upbeat and chipper. She will be 88 this year and her mind is very sharp unless you awaken her and then she may begin talking about someone or something that happened years ago, like picking cotton in the hot humid cotton fields of Louisiana when she was a little girl. During the last conversation though, she was alert and rational; however, during the previous conversation we’d had a week ago, she told me she was planning to go take a bath and was anxious for me to come see her new shower which my brother, Darold, had redone for her. I had a lump in my throat, my eyes welled up in tears and I held my breath as she continued, “You haven’t seen it yet.” Then she described it in detail and how lovingly her sweet son had renovated the bathroom “just for his momma.” In actuality, momma is no longer able to shower or bathe herself and has a nurse’s aide do that. Also, Darold did the renovation about five years ago with the help of my younger son, Neal, and it was done prior to my living with her for more than a year while my husband was overseas in 2006-07.

I have to remind myself that when someone is in bed every second of every day, it is very easy for them to doze frequently and become disoriented. Even though she has a clock with the date, day of the week, time and temperature on it, she still wakes in a fog of confusion at times. It seems dreams are more prevalent and many times she is still in the midst of them when she awakens. I often think those dreams are her livelihood right now since they give her the freedoms she once enjoyed. In addition, momma has had epilepsy since 1950 and the medications which keep her seizures at bay also make her sleepy. In saying all this, I wanted to write about something that is very near and dear to my heart…the wings which God grows for us when our own wings are clipped. They are “Angels’ Wings.” They are not like Biblical angels who had no wings but they are His special servants who have grown these miraculous wings through His mighty power in order to accomplish His love, care and service for others whose wings have been clipped. I affectionately and tenderly call these characteristics “Angels’ Wings.”

Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think. ~Ephesians 3:20 (NLT)

The first set of “Angels’ Wings” which God provided momma now rests in heaven. Paul P. DuBose, my dad, died on his mother's birthday in 2003 and was buried in a small family cemetery in East Texas beneath the whispering pine trees he loved so much. Daddy not only cared for momma throughout their marriage of 65 years, he assured there would be excellent provision for her throughout the remainder of her life. Thank you, daddy, for your love and foresight in caring for momma all her days. She loves and misses you so very much…as do your children.

The second set of “Angels' Wings” which God has provided momma is strong and secure...and not at all what you might expect. This set is worn by a Vietnam Veteran who rides a Harley and loves to fish. His name is Philip DuBose and he is the second of my three older brothers. He was momma’s choice for her long-term caregiver and his life has never been the same since taking on this awesome responsibility of love and devotion. There are not enough words to describe all he does in 24 hours/7 days per week. The details of his job description would stagger your mind and fill a book. His book would be a redneck version but indeed, it would be filled. Thank you, my dear brother...such simple words...yet they come straight from the depths of my heart. I love you so much and I am praying for you daily. May God continue to bless you as you provide momma such loving strength and security.

The third set of “Angels' Wings” which God has provided momma is joyful, uplifting and inspirational and worn by First Baptist Church Brazoria’s Homebound Ministry Leader, Jackie Burke. I’m not sure I have the words to describe such a loving, gifted and devoted Christian sister. Her first calling is signing for the deaf and she has taught many others this special gift. Her second calling of service is living and sharing God’s immeasurable love, affection and care for the elderly. Along with her other homebound members, Jackie visits momma regularly, calls her from town to pick up something she might need, runs errands for her, remembers her on holidays and her birthday. She stops by with a meal or special treats on occasion and sometimes she brings her husband, George, along to visit also. Jackie even takes momma on vacations. By that I mean she will call her regularly while traveling and keep her posted on all the sights she sees. She sends her cards, post cards and photos along the way. Once Jackie and George were traveling through many states on a long extended vacation and Jackie called momma to share all the experiences she encountered as she traveled through each state. Momma missed her visits but felt as though she were traveling along with them. Thank you, Jackie, my sweet sister in Christ, from the bottom of my heart. I love you dearly and I am praying for you as you minister to the elderly. May our Father continue to bless you as you bring such joy and inspiration to others.

The fourth set of “Angels' Wings” which God has provided momma is compassionate, loving and full of empathy. This set is worn by one of her closest friends...who, like momma, is also a widowed member of First Baptist Church Brazoria. Her name is Ruby Netzel and her phone calls, visits, prayers and genuine concern and love for momma are above and beyond that of a close friend. Ms. Ruby, as we call her, is always a phone call away and I thank God for what she has meant to my mother. God bless you, Ms. Ruby, and thank you for everything. You are such a good friend and such good medicine for momma. May God continue to bless you with such compassion and love.

The fifth and sixth sets of “Angels' Wings” which God has provided momma provide her fond memories, giggles and grins all covered with love and devotion. They are worn by her two younger sisters, Rita Martin and Frances Brevell. My sweet aunts visit, call and check on momma frequently and I appreciate how very much they love and care about her. Thank you, both, so much. I love you more than mere words can say. You are both treasured and always in my prayers. May God bless you both with good health and many more years to giggle as sisters.

The seventh and eighth sets of "Angels' Wings" which God has provided momma are coated with sugar and spice. They are worn by the two secretaries at First Baptist Church Brazoria. Becky Vernor and Carolyn (Sissy) Moffett are momma's links to answers "from the horse's mouth" regarding spontaneous questions about church or church members' health, etc. Becky and her own sweet mom have been so kind as to keep momma supplied with Christian romance novels to read and both Becky and Sissy check on momma regularly, visit and readily stop by if she calls. Thank you both so much. I treasure your friendship with and for momma and I appreciate and love you for caring about her in your busy lives. May God continue to bless you with sweetness and such a caring attitude toward everyone.

It is amazing how our Father has blessed my mother with such awesome “Angels’ Wings” to replace her clipped ones. I thank God for all the people in her life but especially these I’ve mentioned…they mean so much to me because they care so much about her. I know there are many others who have shown love, affection, care and provided for various needs or requests but these are steadfast and true blue. God has given her these “Angels’ Wings” on earth and she is richly blessed…as are her own children.

Thank You, Father God, for my mother and for Your watchful care over her. Thank You for all the people in her life who make her smile each day, cause her to laugh and see You reflected in their love. May You continue to bless her and bless them in their service for You and may You keep momma and her “Angels’ Wings” in your watchful care, dear Father. Thank You and Amen.

MOMMA...YOU ARE DEEPLY LOVED!!!

Captured in His reflection,

God Hears Our Melody… ♫ ♫ ♫

2010-04-06T09:58:00.003-05:00

"In this you greatly rejoice, even though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been distressed by various trials, that the proof of your faith, being more precious than gold which perishes, even though tested by fire, may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ." ~1 Peter 1:6-7 (NIV)

When I first surrendered to God’s call into special service, the Music Ministry is where I knew He wanted me and I wanted nothing more than to serve Him for the rest of my days…singing praises to Him and for Him. Looking back, it is no wonder to me now why He let the course of events happen in my life as He did…in order to break me and remake me…yes, to teach me. Oh… “Rabboni,” what limitations I had placed on Your calling! You wanted to hear melody from me yet I had to learn the music You treasured.

Isn’t it a GRAND thing that God not only collects our tears but that He hears our melody? Sure, He hears gifted musicians and singers praise Him with melodious tunes and trained voices. He hears joyful noises from others, as well, and they all please Him. After all, they are blessed with the very gifts He, Himself, has provided. I am alive in Jesus today to testify that these pleasing sounds are nothing to compare with the melody He hears when we pour out our heart and soul to Him in brokenness and humble ourselves before Him. He sees and knows the REAL in every one of us…yes, the good and the bad, the happiness and the misery. And in His eyes we are deemed most beautiful and sound most pleasing to His ear when we are broken for Him and submit to Him our all. There are so many scriptures in the Bible which tell us of the trials and turmoil we will endure if we belong to Him. We are molded by the Master Potter during these times…yes, so we will become pleasing to Him...and grow more in His likeness. It is a hard concept to celebrate our trials, especially in the midst of them. Yet that is exactly what we are instructed to do…KNOWING God is using them for His divine purpose. Hallelujah!? No…even BETTER than that!!!

Captured in His reflection,

He Collects Our Tears

2010-04-01T14:26:00.005-05:00

“You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book.” ~Psalm 56:8 (NLT)

The hardest things to endure in life are the things that pierce us, scar us forever and yes, agonizingly hurt us to the core of our very being. These things usually bring forth an abundance of tears and much remorse as a result of our suffering. What is an awesome fact is that our faithful Father collects all of our tears…yes, every single one. None are lost and not one tear is cried in vain. God also understands the language of our tears…that language with meaning which no words can convey.

I can identify with Beth Moore when she says, “If it’s out there, it’s either happened to me or it’s touched my life in some way.” Yes, like Beth, some things just happened to me and some things I, myself, caused to happen. The latter would be a hard pill to swallow outside of genuine repentance and forgiveness in the light of our Father’s amazing grace and mercy. It is also difficult to understand that the bad as well as the good has molded us into the very person we are today. If some of our experiences had not happened, we may not have chosen God. Does it ever boggle your mind that God knows the things that will happen to you before they actually happen? It’s a hard truth to grasp, yet He knew and He knows.

Then comes the inevitable question, “Why?”

Why was I molested as a child?
Why was I forbidden to follow God’s calling?
Why did I rebel and marry thinking it was an escape?
Why was I a bad example before my children?
Why have I married and divorced multiple times?
Why did I allow the world to influence my life?
Why did I fall in love with a married man?
Why did I continue to make wrong choices and in the process, hurt others?
Why did family members and close friends have to die?

After jumping off the worldly merry-go-round…tossed, bruised, broken, scarred and bowing before Jesus at the foot of the cross in genuine repentance…

Why was I then victimized by spousal drunken abuse, verbal abuse, extra-marital affairs, pornography and sexually transmitted disease?

Why? Why? Why?

Sometimes the simple answer is that we have sinned and fallen and in retrospect, we stand in disbelief that we were capable of making such wrong choices. Yes, that answer is born of Satan and horribly simple. We separated our self from God. Sometimes we cannot see the answer so clearly though, because we are walking with God. In this case, rest assured, God is bringing us through something to bless us on the other side.

As I contemplate the things that have caused me so many tears and such deep personal pain, there are still many things that others have endured which do not even compare. For example, I still cannot compare my pain to that of starving children, or to Corrie Ten Boom’s devastating life experiences. I cannot compare my pain to that which my husband endured when accidentally dropping a firearm and having it discharge on the ground resulting in his dad’s death. I cannot compare my pain to that of my brother and sister-in-law who lost their son during the summer before his senior year in high school. His mother was the school's secretary and she watched her son’s class parade through their last year’s events up to and including graduation. No, I cannot compare my pain to a parent losing their child. I have cried many tears with and for family and friends who have lost children; but still, I cannot and do not KNOW the depth of their personal and individual hurts. I feel helpless wanting to provide comfort and peace to those hurting so deeply. My prayers, my hugs, my tears, my words all seem so inadequate when compared to their anguish and suffering…yet I know that my Father knows every hurt and collects every tear. He has allowed pain and suffering in our lives so that we may turn to Him, choose Him, lean on Him, exemplify Him, grow in Him and provide that same comfort to others which He has bestowed on us.

“God comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.” ~II Corinthians 1:4

We can also read in the Bible about Joseph’s life and had we been him, we would probably have asked “Why, Why, Why?” As we read, though, we can identify with Joseph and know that God was and is in total control despite how things often seem to us. The very ones who sold Joseph into slavery were suddenly at his mercy as he became the second highest ruler over the Egyptian kingdom. He wasn’t bitter. Instead, he recognized God’s hand throughout the course of his life and testified:

“Joseph said to them, ‘Do not be afraid, for am I in the place of God? But as for you, you meant evil against me; but God meant it for good, in order to bring it about as it is this day, to save many people alive. Now therefore, do not be afraid; I will provide for you and your little ones.’ And he comforted them and spoke kindly to them.” ~Genesis 50:19-21

Some may find it difficult to comprehend but even though God does not condone our sin or the sins of others which are inflicted upon us, He will use them in His master plan for His Kingdom’s work. He never wishes hurt and pain for us but He does know the road we will travel and He wants to bring us through it for His purpose. In His divine process, He is constantly growing us in His likeness. It is difficult sometimes, but just as Joseph reminded, we would be wise to remember that often times Satan means to harm us but the Lord will prevail and use it for our good. Yes, Jesus has suffered all our hurts…every fall…and He is collecting all of our many heartfelt tears.

Oh Father God, thank you for sending Your own Son to suffer and die for us. Thank you, Father, for KNOWING each one of our individual hurts, for UNDERSTANDING our deepest pain and for COLLECTING every tear that we shed. Thank you, Father, that Jesus rose again and then sent the Holy Spirit to indwell us so that we may grow in His likeness. He took all my sins, Father. He knew me...my name, my thoughts, my tears and He's always heard me when I called on Him. He was always thinking of me. May we always walk with You, praise You, honor You, serve You and worship You forevermore…for You alone, Father, are worthy of our all. Amen.

Captured in His reflection,

Honor and Submission…Characterized by Integrity and Light

2010-03-20T13:00:00.007-05:00

"For the Lord gives skillful and godly Wisdom; from His mouth come knowledge and understanding. He hides away sound and godly Wisdom and stores it for the righteous (those who are upright and in right standing with Him); He is a shield to those who walk uprightly and in integrity, that He may guard the paths of justice; yes, He preserves the way of His saints. Then you will understand righteousness, justice, and fair dealing [in every area and relation]; yes, you will understand every good path." Proverbs 2:6-9 (Amplified Bible)

Do you honor Christ? How? By calling yourself Christian? By attending a church? By preaching? By leading the music? By teaching Sunday school? By stating, “I am a believer?” By wearing a cross or a Christian T-shirt? By writing your denomination on a form or questionaire? By displaying a Christian symbol on your vehicle? How do you honor Christ?

While there is absolutely nothing wrong with the things mentioned above, these things in and of themselves are not how we bring honor and submit to Christ. For example, when we attend church, God is indeed honored by our presence, but only if we are there for the right reasons. He is honored if we are there in the right frame of a worshipful mindset and exhibiting submission to Him with humility from a right heart. The Bible tells us that we are to assemble together in worship.

"And let us not neglect our meeting together, as some people do, but encourage one another, especially now that the day of his return is drawing near." Hebrews 10:25 (New Living Translation)

When our attendance is merely a result of obligation, however, or we harbor ill feelings toward a brother, or we are otherwise distracted from truly worshiping God, He is not honored by our presence at all. You’ve heard the labels, “bench warmer” and “Sunday-morning Christian,” well, this is where they are derived. Those labels signify people who are simply there…taking up space. If someone comes to visit you and they are uncomfortable, insincere or anxious to leave, do you enjoy their visit or would you rather they just not waste time pretending to care about you or pretending to enjoy your company? God is no different. He wants and deserves so much more than a simple outward expression of our submission or casual gesture of honor. He gives us freedom of choice so that we may selflessly and freely always choose Him. He is honored when we place Him first and foremost...not second or third…but FIRST all the time and in everything we do. He is also honored when we humble ourselves and express a personal and inward evidence of faithfulness to Him. That characterization of honor and submission is called integrity. This means we are living as children of light, in that Christ is continually the focus of our thoughts as well as our actions. We do not have to be at church, with a fellow Christian or with anyone to exhibit integrity. When we are alone, there also is our true test of integrity. We honor Christ by exemplifying Christ-likeness. Yes, we are the children of light and we are to be like Him. We honor Him with our love by keeping His commandments and desiring His presence in our lives. We honor Him by filling our hearts and our minds with pure and holy thoughts. As Christians we have the fullness of God in us because of the Holy Spirit.

“And in Him you too are being built together to become a dwelling in which God lives by His Spirit.” ~ Ephesians 2:22 (NIV)

When we wrap ourselves around Him, He changes us and we are characterized by integrity and light which always brings honor to Christ. In Paul’s prayer for the Ephesians, he says…

“For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom His whole family in heaven and on earth derives its name, I pray that out of His glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through His Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge – that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.” ~ Ephesians 3:14-21 (NIV)

Paul goes on to write about living as children of Light…

“So I tell you this, and insist on it in the Lord, that you must no longer live as the Gentiles do, in the futility of their thinking. They are darkened in their understanding and separated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them due to the hardening of their hearts. Having lost all sensitivity, they have given themselves over to sensuality so as to indulge in every kind of impurity, with a continual lust for more. You, however, did not come to know Christ that way. Surely you heard of Him and were taught in Him in accordance with the truth that is in Jesus. You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness. Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbor, for we are all members of one body. ‘In your anger do not sin’: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold. He who has been stealing must steal no longer, but must work, doing something useful with his own hands, that he may have something to share with those in need. Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God. But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people. Nor should there be obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking, which are out of place, but rather thanksgiving. For of this you can be sure: No immoral, impure or greedy person – such a man is an idolater – has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God. Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of such things God’s wrath comes on those who are disobedient. Therefore do not be partners with them. For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light (for the fruit of the light consists in all goodness, righteousness and truth) and find out what pleases the Lord. Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them. For it is shameful even to mention what the disobedient do in secret. But everything exposed by the light becomes visible, for it is light that makes everything visible. That is why it is said:

‘Wake up, O sleeper, rise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you.’

Be very careful, then, how you live – not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord’s will is. Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead, be filled with the Spirit. Speak to one another with psalms, hymns and spiritual songs. Sing and make music in your heart to the Lord, always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ. Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” ~ Ephesians 4:17-5:21 (NIV)

How do you honor and submit to Christ? We honor and submit with integrity and light…focusing only on Him and remaining…

Captured in His reflection,

Tidy Procrastinating Mess??? His Answer Was "NO!!!"

2010-03-15T18:56:00.005-05:00

From my tiny human perspective, a “tidy procrastinating mess” was the best description I could give myself on certain days. Being a compulsive perfectionist who wanted nothing more than to get on with what God had called me to do, I also pictured myself completing the task to the absolute best of my ability. Focusing this way, I began to grow weary in my present state. Simply said, Satan was attempting to make me believe this stage was a very stagnant place to reside, so I was tempted to become anxious and to engage myself in larger things…looking at schooling, conferences, speaking engagements, directing music again, teaching, busying myself, etc. You know, “serving.”

“What shall we then say to these things? If God be for us, who can be against us?” ~Romans 8:31

Satan made me feel as though I was about to run a race yet I was left on the track perched in a holding pattern. ”On your mark, get set,” and where was the loud “go” in the form of a starter pistol? The gun wouldn’t fire and start the race! But not only was I prepared to run this race; I also knew that I would win victoriously if I could just take off! After all, God was not only my Trainer and my Coach. He was my Physical Therapist, my Mental Therapist, my Source of Energy, my Total Concentration, and along with my foundation of faith in Him, He would lead me on to a vast victory in His name and for His glory!

“But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.” ~Isaiah 40:30-31

What am I talking about? Well, I’m certainly not talking about saying “no” to God’s call ever again. I’m talking about seeing things from a worldly viewpoint versus God’s view. Sometimes the Holy Spirit intentionally causes us to pause, to halt or detour and yes, to wait. It is even then when our well-intentioned friends, family and self urges us to take that next step and get on with it, through a worldly perception of our gifts in regard to God’s calling, that we must WAIT! Then Satan attempts to cause confusion and a question as to where we are and what we’re doing. And yes, I’m talking about my perfectionist-type character of organization and prioritization being all wet in this respect and I’m also talking about seeing and placing God’s perspective foremost in our mind's eye thereby having a clear understanding of His calling. Sometimes He just wants to walk with us, to talk with us and sometimes He wants us to be totally still. I’m talking about praying without ceasing and listening intently to Him and clearly understanding His call...DAILY. And yes, I’m also talking about waiting on Him, for He not only supplies every breath we breathe, He guides us in every step we take or don’t take, but ONLY if we will consciously wait on His instruction and follow Him that closely. I continually pray, I listen and I do desire to serve Him in a larger-than-life way…yet I am waiting on His direction minute by minute, day by day and guess what? Waiting, in this respect, is an active verb! He’s keeping me right here, studying His word, seeking His face and giving me quiet time to spend with Him. He has equipped my heart with a constant burning passion to write and engulfed my mind with His commission. So I continue to ready myself according to His guidance. Yet He causes me to prioritize sweet time with Him and to simply write about Him. I have scripture verses and notes tucked everywhere on subjects the Lord has placed on my heart to share. I certainly don’t want to postpone the race. I don’t want to cancel the race. I don’t even want to take a break and let someone else take my place in this awkward and strained-looking stance. For this I know. He likes me in this readied, yielding-yet-waiting-on-Him stance. As I wait in this position on the track, my focus is entirely on Him and on His calling in my life...yes, on His instruction which He gives to me each and every day. So you will find me on my knee, leaning forward and yes, at times I do want to scream…

“…HERE AM I, SEND ME!” ~Isahia 6:8

…but He quietly causes me to be still and listen as He holds me steady. The miraculous thing is that I never tire of the position He’s holding me in and I never fall as long as my focus is entirely on Him. My strength no longer falters and my mind no longer wanders in spite of waiting for the gun to fire so I can run His race. For I know God has me right where He wants me. And as to my previously mentioned narrow speculation, seeing only a “tidy procrastinating mess,” well, He is causing me to realize that He, indeed, is humbling me and using me this very minute to simply write about Him, His undying love and the strength only He can provide. So as I burn with desire to serve my risen Savior in a bigger way, I will remain steadfast as I continually say “yes” to Him on bended knee and lean forward into Him…

“I press on toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus.” ~Philippians 3:14

…willing, waiting and writing while He holds me.

Captured in His reflection,

CONSECRATION

2010-01-30T19:37:00.006-06:00

“Consecration is the act of continually separating myself from everything except that which God has appointed me to do. It is not a one-time experience but an ongoing process.” –Oswald Chambers

Where have I been for the past two months? I have been dealing with and coming to grips with the depth of this awesome word, “consecration.” I have no problem with its clear meaning. I have no problem with a very strong desire to be consecrated. It is a destination that is foreign to many…one that was oblivious to me most of my life. The problem with genuine consecration resides in all the barriers we must constantly overcome and choices we must continually make in order to remain consecrated. This is very difficult in the midst of life’s uncertain circumstances. For instance, as I type these words, the TV is blaring in this small camper, and all that is within me is crying out for quiet time with the Father. I am not one to simply turn on a TV for noise; in fact, God was my teacher concerning selective viewing. There was, however, a time I didn’t even comprehend such a thing. There was also a time when I lived alone and was going through a very hurtful period in my life. I had neither television provider nor computer. I was totally alone with God and I devoted many hours to prayer and reading His Word because my faith remained strong and I knew He would turn ashes to beauty in my life. During that time I came to experience and know the clear meaning of consecration. What a gift! It was something I thought I already understood and possessed but didn’t until then. Also, though my circumstances were bleak and hurtful, God was teaching me so many wonderful things which I thought I already knew and understood. During this first experience of consecration, not only did I become focused only on Him, it was through that means that He also taught me patience, unconditional love and true commitment. All of these things were previously viewed by me through worldly eyes, so my understanding was not through His insight.

“Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. –James 1:2-5

A friend recently asked me if I was ok because she hadn’t heard from me in a while…in blogland. I feel my reply to her sounded vague since she’s got a great ongoing blog and seems to be on top of her game. And knowing her the way I do, I’m sure she found the time to whisper a prayer for me. She upholds an outstanding balance in her life between family, writing, speaking events and leading the Women’s Ministry in her church. I admire her greatly but I don’t ponder the success of people like my friend any longer because I know where her source of strength and perseverance lies. I know she places God first in her life in order for all those other things to acquire such balance. I also know that she has traveled a road, much like me, where as a prodigal daughter she was broken and transformed by the Master. She knows well that she could not do all these things under her own strength so she walks closely with Him and He supplies all her needs for His appointed tasks. That is the answer to everything and I am so aware of it…however, life enters in and it is very easy for us to conform to our daily routine or the demands placed on us by our circumstances. Such were the busy happenings surrounding me upon my return from Saudi Arabia. Everyone’s circumstances are different and what we tend to forget is that most often that is the very place God speaks to us…through our circumstances. And what do we most often do? We react or make decisions without consulting Him…much less listening to Him…and we miss His lessons entirely. We miss the very opportunities He’s provided us to ask of Him and be supplied His provision and blessing, the very opportunity to grow in Him and learn His ways...yes, the very opportunity for consecration. When you come to experience true consecration, you understand the fact that God wants all of you, all of the time and you want nothing more than to give your all freely to Him in order for His will to be complete in your life. You want nothing more than to serve Him in every aspect of your life. That means in everything you do…not only in your actions but in every waking hour of your life. Yes, that also means your thoughts…and this requires quiet time in order to study, pray and listen to Him. Living in this world, yet being consecrated in God, you will find He is insistent in a very personal way to keep you actively in His presence. You will become acutely aware of all the barriers which attempt to keep you involved and your mind occupied including the choices of others which ultimately affect you as well. These barriers continually present themselves in the circumstances of your life. You can live frustrated and beneath your circumstances or you can resign yourself to give God His first and foremost priority in your life and He will raise you above them. Yes, there is a cost to follow Him…to make a commitment to Him…and had I truly understood this the first time He asked me, like Peter, I would not have had to be asked again to follow Him.

“Do not suppose that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I did not come to bring peace, but a sword. For I have come to turn a man against his father, a daughter against her mother, a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law --- a man’s enemies will be the members of his own household. Anyone who loves his father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; anyone who loves his son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me; and anyone who does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me. Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.” –Matthew 10:34-36

I could go into detail regarding the past two months…about the holidays, the ongoing construction of our house, the inability to use my computer, church activities, the brutal murder of a friend and active member of my church, a January Bible study, two Beth Moore Bible studies and yes, even the fact that this 5th wheel camper (which I am so thankful for and which provides our only warmth) is no place for quiet time…but the fact is that all my personal circumstances of late have only taught me how strongly my calling is to do what God has appointed me to do and how desperately I continue to maintain consecration. I have only been strengthened and have become much wiser in the understanding of true consecration.

So, what has been going on for the last two months? God has been teaching me how consecration in my life is ultimately “L-I-F-E…living intentionally for eternity,” no matter my circumstances…and reminding me He has said again to me,

“Follow Me” –John 21:19

So Father, I am Yours…consecrated and waiting…for Your appointed tasks in Your appointed time because I believe all the pain and difficulty I have felt cannot compare to the joy that is coming. I will hold on...yes, I will press on and wait for the joy in the morning. Amen.

Captured in His reflection,

"I WILL NEVER BE THE SAME AGAIN!"

2009-11-12T11:33:00.003-06:00

I recently had a friend who visited Peru. While planning her return to the states, she wrote, “I WILL NEVER BE THE SAME AGAIN!” From her words I knew that in some way she had been enlightened…yes, something very meaningful had happened within her being to change her.

“I WILL NEVER BE THE SAME AGAIN!” The sentence still pulsates off the page, resounds in my ears and tugs at my heart, for I have also voiced these words…yes, in response to the most important revelations during my life. This sentence carries with it such an underlying statement of strength and stability in the proclamation that one has been gifted with discernment regarding something very important…something that results in our knowledge becoming wisdom and this wisdom forever changes our being. Such life-changing clarity comes only from God.

“Now if any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives to all generously and without criticizing, and it will be given to him. But let him ask in faith without doubting. For the doubter is like the surging sea, driven and tossed by the wind. That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. An indecisive man is unstable in all his ways.” -James 1:5-7 (HCSB)

As a young child, the most important knowledge I possessed was truth from the Bible. I grew up in church with Bible stories, songs of praise and the basic knowledge of God all around me. It wasn’t until I, was under conviction from the Holy Spirit that I prayed and received wisdom and became aware that I too, needed to ask Jesus…in faith…without doubting…to save me…yes, me personally. As I walked down the isle of my small country church, tears filled my eyes in humility as I prayed asking forgiveness for my sins and invited Jesus to be my Lord and Savior. I thought my heart would burst with joy on Easter morning as I followed the Lord’s ordinance in Baptism. I said, “I WILL NEVER BE THE SAME AGAIN!”

I do not claim that there have not been many times when I have knowingly, miserably failed my Lord. I am His child though and through His infinite mercy, I turned to Him. I have been reprimanded, taught and I have repented and have received my Father's forgiveness. In this I am sure. As the story goes regarding the refiner of silver, so has my Father watched over me and cared for me, teaching me while holding me in the flames to melt impurities from me…so much so that He can now see His reflection in me once more. Prior to this time though, Satan had me exactly where he wanted me, causing me enormous difficulty in understanding how I could possibly have fallen so far…how I could have turned my back on God, turned away from His call and made me doubt how I could ever sing again or be used in His service. Did I really possess the knowledge I thought I had? I ask you, can a Christian with so much knowledge actually lack wisdom? Ask Peter. The answer is a resounding YES! I know my own personal trials and failures but for whatever your reason, when we no longer ask, consult or invite the Holy Spirit to guide us in our decision-making process and He is not beckoned for wisdom or to show us God's clarity in scripture, we ultimately close the door on intercessory intervention in our daily lives.

God always gives us the freedom to choose and that freedom is intended so we may place Him first in our life. He wants us to choose Him, obey Him, receive His blessings and He wants to show us all His glory. The knowledge we possess as Christians is worthless unless we choose to pray for wisdom. Wisdom is God’s gift to us of His spiritual insight. God is not only my Father. He is also my teacher and He has taught me so much. First and foremost, God has taught me to seek the Holy Spirit regarding all my life choices so as to align myself with scripture and pray for wisdom so that I may seek His purpose in everything. With the gift of God’s wisdom, I have and continue to celebrate my trials and continue to grow more steadfast in my faith. “I WILL NEVER BE THE SAME AGAIN!”

Captured in His reflection,

A Deeper Sense of Home

2009-10-19T13:39:00.003-05:00

I am home! How good it is to be home! Home at last! Finally home!

Have you ever dwelt on the word, H-O-M-E, and what it means to you? Home can be a house, an apartment or some other type dwelling. Home can be a town or a community, yes, simply a location. Home can be permanent or temporary. Some people even have more than one home. I’m sure you’re also acquainted with the same phrase I’ve heard all my life, “Home is where your heart is.” Well, while living in Saudi Arabia, I thought a lot about that particular phrase and all those qualities which make up the special place I call home. There were a number of things that entered my mind as I compiled my mental list. First were the longing thoughts of my country and all the freedoms I dearly missed back in the USA. Those freedoms were fought for and attained by family and friends, yes, bought and paid for with their blood and my love and gratitude for them are very near and dear to my heart. Next were my thoughts of the state in which I was born and raised. Texas, for me, is like unto none other. My heritage runs deep in the piney woods of east Texas where my Grandfather, Amos DuBose, was the first Judge in Newton County. After that, memories surfaced of living in many towns before venturing afar to the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia where I lived in a villa temporarily for seven months. Unlike those of you who still reside in or close to the town in which you were born and/or grew up in, I have lived in sixteen locations throughout my adult life. As I thought about each of those locations, I automatically attempted to focus on the positive aspects in my life at each particular place. I attempted to recall those things that caused me to picture myself at “home” there. I have to admit, in some locations the task was impossible. If you have lived in multiple locations, you most probably favor some more than others and feel some were truly “home” as opposed to others feeling uncomfortable or temporary. As I narrowed my list to those which felt more like “home” to me, it was very easy to pick and choose based on the important things that happened to me while living in each location. But something else was very apparent to me as I tried to rationalize what “home” actually meant to me now as compared to then.

Of course, my first and foremost thoughts were of the location where I grew up in a house with my family. For me, this was LaBelle, a small community in southeast Texas. There I was surrounded with love and protection. Hmmm… but it occurred to me that some of the best and worst memories of my entire life also happened there. Never the less, LaBelle is where I also returned to live a second time and where my younger son was born. I made life-long friends in LaBelle. Again, some of the best and worst memories of my entire life happened there.

Second on my list was San Antonio, Texas, where I also made life-long friends. I also lost friends during war while living there. This is where my first son was born. Here too, some of the best and worst memories of my life reside.

Third was Brazoria, Texas, which is where my two sons grew up. In this location, I was close in proximity to my family and also made life-long friends as well. And yes, Brazoria is another location where some of my best and worst memories also reside.

As you can see, there were good and bad memories in each location, so I derived that circumstances are not the determining factor in whether I felt at “home” or not. No other places have come close to feeling like “home” until now…here in Junction, Texas. The fact that I am here is simple yet complex, so yes, it’s a result of God’s master weave in my destiny. I have already made life-long friends here and continue to meet and get to know more wonderful people every day. Junction is not as near to my extended family as I’d like but we have e-mail, cell phones and I can physically reach them in four to six hours. That is a small drawback in comparison to the specialness I have found. I love the solitude I find with my Father on our ranch. I dearly love the Texas Hill Country, the spectacular views of His creations, the opportunities for friendship and fellowship, the abundant wildlife, history and nature’s stories. I love the rivers and exercise finally rocks when kayaking in the South Llano! We’re also building a house on our ranch. That, too, is exciting in and of itself, but the realization that it belongs to God is ever present in my mind. He is, after all, the only reason for it’s possibility. Yet all these things I’ve mentioned are still not what makes Junction my true “home-sweet-home” now. The “specialness” I referred to earlier is not due to the location or qualities I’ve found in Junction. It’s due to the location of my heart and my closeness to God. There has been a long time of waiting…a time of patience…a time of teaching…a time of learning...and finally a time to stand strong and move forward.

You see, all sixteen places I’ve called “home” were and are temporary to me…yes, even now. The same change is within me just as it was for Moses. It’s about God’s timing and the realization of His overwhelming presence and call on and in my life. Unlike Moses, I wasn’t sent into the desert to tend sheep for forty years after experiencing my mountain top in LaBelle, but I did travel an empty road of discouragement…trying to create my own happy “home” in so many places. Then at long last, I found myself facing God and asking Him “me?”… “now?” So the true meaning of “home” for me is, indeed, “where my heart is!” And guess where that is? My heart has experienced a time of great personal growth as a result of God’s call and that of waiting upon Him. I find myself loving the Lord, my God, with all my heart, with all my soul and with all my strength!

“And you must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your strength.” -Deuteronomy 6:5 (NLT)

How does God know when we love Him? He says that if we love Him, we will obey Him. When we obey God, we set our heart on Him and we truly commit our way to Him. He is in me and I am in Him. I now have true fellowship with the Holy Spirit and oneness with the Lord Jesus Christ and I am at home with my Father…now and throughout eternity!

“Be careful to obey all the commands I give you; show love to the Lord your God by walking in His ways and clinging to Him.” -Deuteronomy 11:22 (NLT)

Also, remember how I said I love the rivers here? Well, Junction is known as the “Land of Living Waters.” Maybe it’s just in line with my destiny, but I find so much enjoyment in connecting one of my favorite verses…

“He who believes in Me … out of his heart will flow rivers of living water.” -John 7:38 (NLT)

Yes, I am home! How good it is to be home! Home at last! Finally…and yes, with a much deeper sense of home!

Captured in His reflection,

Weeds Won't Wait - Weeds Won't Last

2009-09-09T12:43:00.001-05:00

Hello everyone…God has brought us safely home from Saudi Arabia! Needless to say, home was a very welcomed sight to my husband’s and my tired and weary eyes after being away so long and traveling so far. When we arrived, we found everything safe and secure, just as we’d left it. For these material blessings kept intact, I am truly grateful and praise is generously given my Father for friends who watched over this dwelling we call home. Waking early and enjoying our porch, we spotted a few deer and then smelled a skunk but it was the many weeds that were dominating our view and demanding our immediate attention. We couldn’t totally enjoy all the good for focusing on the tall weeds. Isn’t it amazing how things seem to remain the same yet not so? The thorns, weeds, spiders, scorpions, raccoons, skunks and snakes seemed to enjoy visiting our new wrap-around porch while we were away. Our personal belongings inside remained undisturbed, yes, the material possessions were silently waiting our return; yet, there was also the subtle evidence of this abundance of activity outside…broken pottery, baby scorpions, spiders, webs and weeds, weeds, weeds galore! Even with very little rain, it was obvious that weeds won’t wait!

The more I looked at all the tall weeds, the more I was reminded that life here on earth is a tremendous blessing handed down from God to tend and care for…yes, to nurture and prune. We are stewards and with that comes responsibility. We are here for His purpose which is good and holy, yet we will always have sin attempting to enter and grow in our life in any way it possibly can. Just like our weeds, sin can enter in abundance during unguarded moments yet it doesn’t always wait for an unguarded moment. Satan’s attacks are also very subtle, when everything appears intact and going smoothly, when plans are made and our futures are bright. We must remember that even though God holds our future, we still have to hold His hand to guide us each step of the way. How? We are to live a life led by the Holy Spirit. In Galatians 5, Paul writes to the churches in southern Galatia about our freedom in Christ and a life by the Spirit.

“So I say, live by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature. For the sinful nature desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the sinful nature. They are in conflict with each other; so that you do not do what you want. But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under law. The acts of the sinful nature are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God. But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires. Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit.” Galatians 5:16-25 (NIV)

The glorious truth of our Father is that He can see the sunshine even when we are buried in weeds and struggling to see and walk through these tall barriers in our life. He always sees the other side. He sees the larger picture. He gives us the freedom to choose a life led by the Spirit. Life will hold many moments…those of happiness, of joy and a future of hope when all of life seems intact…but there will also be continuous trials and tribulations that will test our faith in the One who gives us this life in abundance. The weeds are here surrounding our home as a result of neglect in a certain area, yet they will continually attempt their growth during our happiest of times even after we’ve weeded. The good news is that they are temporary…like our circumstances down here on this earth. God can take all the pain and suffering, the trials and even our sin away and make our path clear again. He can turn everything into good once more. He’s done it for me on more than one occasion.

I lean totally on the Holy Spirit to guide me through the weeds in my life and lead me to my safe home which God keeps intact for me. Thank You, Father, for weeds won’t last while I’m captured in Your reflection.

Seclusion with God in the Sandbox

2009-08-31T07:32:00.002-05:00

"Come to Me . . ." Matthew 11:28 (NIV)

Tonight I will say good-bye to Saudi Arabia, often called “the world’s largest sandbox.” It’s hard to believe my husband and I have lived in the dry, hot, sandy desert of Al-Jubail for this long. He’s been here for ten months and I’ve been here seven. It’s rained twice and there have been two shamals since I arrived. Al-Jubail is located on the Persian Gulf and shamals result from strong northwest winds that are funneled into the Gulf by the mountains of Turkey and Iraq to the northeast and the high plains of Saudi Arabia to the southwest. The air is so full of sand that you cannot breathe without covering your nose and mouth. The inside of the villa would have a yellow glow due to the sun’s attempt to shine through the dense sand outside. The fine powdery sand would coat everything and try it’s best to seep inside door and window facings. I’ve never experienced yellow days and blinding sand before.

As I previously mentioned, there‘s a high concrete wall topped with barbed wire which surrounds the compound where we’ve lived. The barrier is there for our protection. I have been outside the wall approximately fifteen times in the past seven months and I haven’t driven at all, since women here are not allowed to drive. I’ve been very inactive and confined compared to my existence back home in the states. Apart from the five prayer calls each day, it’s been a perfectly quiet and isolated location to clear the mind and soothe the spirit. I thank God for the opportunity I’ve had to quietly seek Him and reverently pray. His companionship without any interruptions from outside sources has caused me to reflect on the constant availability of the Holy Spirit within. Most of us live at an extremely hurried pace and I have been no exception. Long ago I was very busy living in the world, a period where confusion, worldly success and status reigned. Outwardly, I was trying to fit in and stand out at the same time while proving myself to others. Inwardly, I lived a life of disappointment, rebellion and pretense. It’s both amazing and humbling how our Shepherd will draw the real us to Him while rescuing us from ourselves. Most often it’s during times of danger or adversity. He does some of His best one-on-one faith teaching during our darkest moments. Other times though, the glorious times when we seek Him out and yearn to walk and talk with Him resigning our entire being to Him...there is where we find such a sweet resting place. Once we’ve tasted that manna, we daily hunger for more and draw closer in our relationship with Him.

This quiet time in Saudi Arabia has been a period in my life which I had not anticipated, yet one in which I am truly grateful. Thank You, Father, for the quiet time and gifting me with Your constant presence in this foreign land…but thank You most for teaching me to seek this same quiet and peaceful resolve with You when I return home. Thank You for realigning my daily routine where You come first and every single step thereafter, I take with You. Thank You for deepening my faith and strengthening me in the constant awareness of Your Holy Spirit within me. Thank You for blessing the U.S.A., Father…and thank You for instilling in me while here an even stronger appreciation and desire to be a better steward of my homeland. I pray for You to not only continue deepening my spiritual walk but to discipline me and to cultivate this inner simplicity You’ve shown me. During this stage of quiet confinement in my life, You have taught me that it seems life is more free and simpler when we learn to value who we really are, instead of measuring our worth by other things such as how many organizations we belong to, how much we own or how high we’ve climbed the ladder of success. There’s something permanent about the real me that You see when You look into my heart of hearts and we commune together. In that place there is the eagerness of a simple child with love abounding and the realization that material status and possessions are momentary. They are like the sand of the shamal…here today and gone tomorrow. Things come to an end but as I grow older nothing can separate the real me from Your eternal love. You have taught me personally that You value who I really am so much that You want nothing more than to spend time with me. Thank you, Father, for this precious time we’ve spent together in the sandbox.

Captured in His reflection,

Living in the Spirit

2009-08-27T08:34:00.003-05:00

I can remember, as a young person, sitting in Sunday School during a lesson which centered around the Holy Spirit. I couldn’t help wondering what on earth the teacher was trying to say and why she seemed so confused. If you’re like I was, as a new Christian, you accepted on faith what you read in God’s word -- that the Holy Spirit came to reside inside a child of God. You knew there was a change in you since you were saved and you were aware of the Lord’s presence in your life, yet there seemed to be a vague understanding of the Holy Spirit. I can remember wanting to understand more clearly but the King James Version of the Bible is a studious read for a small child, and most adults including my Sunday School teacher veered away from what appeared to be a difficult subject. I can also remember not discussing the Holy Spirit much in Church services because members seemed to associate it with the “charismatic movement.” It seemed as though it was understood that since we could pray directly to God and read our Bible for life’s instruction, there was no reason to mention or place any value on the Holy Spirit’s indwelling within us. I ask you. How sad is that? Was it explained more clearly when you became a child of God? Were you taught to live in the Spirit or simply acknowledge and accept His presence within you?

Jesus said, “If anyone loves me, he will obey my teaching. My Father will love him, and we will come to him and make our home with him. He who does not love me will not obey my teaching. These words you hear are not my own; they belong to the Father who sent me. All this I have spoken while still with you. But the Counselor, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you.” John 14:23-26

We can go through life as a child of God, understanding who the Holy Spirit is and why He resides within us or we can simply and vaguely accept it because He is part of the Holy Trinity…the Three in One…Father, Son and the Holy Spirit. Even understanding who He is doesn’t mean we live in the Spirit. The best and simplest way to explain it is…within a child of God there is a door and the Holy Spirit is behind the closed door. We’re aware He’s there but we either open the door and include Him or we don’t. We either ask Him for direction and guidance in everything or we don’t. We both conduct our self and treat our body pleasingly, inviting His presence or we don’t. The more we go about our daily life not living in the presence of the Holy Spirit’s existence within us, the more we keep the door closed and the more we veer from God and His teachings. Back to square one…how does Jesus know we love Him? We obey His teachings…we eagerly keep the door open and anticipate the presence of the Holy Spirit so He will teach us “all things” and will remind us of “everything” Jesus has said in the Father’s name.

I’ve listened to fellow Christians in distress, saying they felt as though their prayers were not getting any higher than the ceiling. Rest assured in the fact that God hears your prayers. He even knows the moaning of your heart when there are no accompanying words. You should never base your relationship with the Father on your circumstances or feelings. Instead ask why you feel the way you do and examine your heart. If you’re not living intentionally in the Holy Spirit, then you are attempting life on your own...and you are doomed. I once heard a pastor use the acronym, L – I – F – E …Living Intentionally For Eternity. In other words, we have to “will” to do it right. We have to desire a Holy life and only the one who perseveres and wants to live a Holy life will live it. It requires a very humble and knowledgeable desire to delve into God’s word and focus on God through the Holy Spirit. It’s more than being able to quote God's word and more than having a book of rules and regulations to do right. It's impossible without yielding your body to the Holy Spirit…yes, both mind and body. As Christians we are blessed by our Father and have the Holy Spirit dwelling within us and we may receive all the blessings our Father has in store for us.

“Remain in me, and I will remain in you.” John 15:4

I remain captured in His reflection,

Worry

2009-08-23T09:00:00.001-05:00

More Reflections from a Country Girl on Foreign Soil...

“What is this…a Necklace, Hatband, Prayer Beads? What?”

I recently had a birthday and my husband came home to eat lunch with me as he does every day, but on this particular day he brought me a “present” for my birthday. Smiling from ear to ear, He handed me a plastic grocery bag of goodies he’d picked out especially for me. He gave me four candle holders which match some dishes I purchased at the Dollar Store back home. (Our normal dishes are in storage because we’re building a new house.) Also in the bag were some unusually strung beads with no clasp and they would not fit over my head. They also looked too small for a hatband. All right-y then! Yes-sir-ee! Moving right along! Last but not least, there was a container of foot powder (because I can’t find 100% cotton socks over here and my exercise sneakers get smelly from sweating in polyester socks)! Bet you’re saying to yourself, “WOW, what a guy!!!” I know that’s right…and actually, I would be thinking the same thing! The thing that you need to realize though and that I have to confess, is that he has already taken me shopping while living here in Saudi Arabia for gold and silver jewelry and belts, as well as a beautiful custom-sized, hand-made rug for our new house. So it’s really, I mean REALLY not as bad as it sounded!!!

I thanked him, of course, and then asked what the beads were for. He said, “ They are worry beads.” Well, my immediate reply was, “Thank you honey, but I don’t worry…I may have concerns at times, but I take them to God and I don’t worry. I know everything is in God’s hands and He’s in ultimate control!” He laughed and said, "they are a souvenir for you." I said, “Oh, ok.” So off and on I’ve been giving these "worry beads" a glance and finally, I had rearranged things on the end table and I caught a glimpse of them lying on my Bible. That did it, I had to know more about these beads and I really didn’t want something that signified “worry” sitting on my Bible! So if you’re interested too, click on the link below. It is the best explanation I’ve found:

http://www.saudiaramcoworld.com/issue/196806/worry.beads.htm

From all the sources I’ve read though, the number of beads signifies different things. I still can’t figure out why mine has three divided sets of 22 beads…totaling 66 beads with 2 flat divider beads…oh, and 10 knots. I figure that mine is a special souvenir and it signifies the following to me: My paternal Grandmother’s birthday is June 22nd and my Dad eventually saw her again and Jesus on June 22nd. My Mother was born in 1922 and I was 22 years old when I was pregnant with my first child. As for the 10 knots…well, I was 10 when the Holy Spirit began dealing with me and brought me under conviction to realize I needed Jesus to be my personal Savior. And then I recalled the many locations in the Bible which speak of “worry,” yet those in Matthew flooded over me.

"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes?" ~Matthew 6:25 (NIV)

"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin." ~Matthew 6:28 (NIV)

"So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' " ~Matthew 6:31 (NIV)

"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." ~Matthew 6:34 (NIV)

…and also that one verse so close to my heart,

“Now don’t worry about a thing, my daughter. I will do what is necessary, for everyone in town knows you are an honorable woman." ~Ruth 3:11 (NIV)

So it’s while I was researching these special “worry beads,” that I was reminded once again how to keep my cup half full instead of viewing it half empty. You know what else? I’ve decided the perfect place for those “worry beads” to reside is on God’s Word.

Thank You Father, for capturing me in your reflection in order to view something so foreign to my heart and soul.

Self-Examination

2009-08-20T09:15:00.001-05:00

When you look at yourself, whose reflection do you see?

I remember while growing up how self-conscious I was, just wanting to fit in with the rest of the girls in my class and not wanting to be noticed as someone who was different. “Different” wasn’t a kind adjective back then. We girls would run giggling and talking to the restroom at every chance to examine our reflection in the mirror. We wanted to look just right so we could be assured someone would turn their head and look at us, talk to us and think we were pretty. Some girls needed very little help to achieve the “pretty” status. It’s as if they were born beautiful. Synonymous with their obvious beauty came popularity and their world seemed so perfect to those of us observing. I would sit in wonder and think how awesome it must be to have their clothes, their looks, their popularity and even their crowns. I sometimes thought happiness had to accompany all those other things. Also I questioned why it seemed so easy for some and not for others to achieve such status.

I am describing peer pressure in its most subtle form, never-the-less it is very real and makes very deep impressions at a very young age. In my case, on Monday through Friday I was quiet, intimidated and struggled to fit in. Sunday morning proved differently. I moved to the head of the class because I was in Church. I was a child of the King and I’d come to worship in my Father’s house. I was comfortable and could openly be myself…flaws and all…and I totally fit in. Oddly enough, some of my friends at school felt very uncomfortable in Church and some didn’t attend at all. This realization finally caused me to conduct a self-examination. I had to choose which was better? Did I want to fit in at school or at Church. The Holy Spirit made the answer clear to me and I wish I could confess that my struggle was entirely over but at times I still honestly wanted to fit in at both places. This is when I was taught personally that you cannot serve two masters. So my high school years were not happy years because I was in surroundings which placed very little or no value in the areas of my comfort zone. However, God supplied my comfort and He prevailed.

“No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other…” -Matthew 6:24 (NIV)

Even now, God has still dealt with me on certain issues like a “shop till you drop” attitude and using the “makeup of the stars” but it’s because He deals with root attitudes buried deep inside of us. He’s made me realize that the obstacles placed before me during my high school years are no different than the difficulties I face as an adult. They are there in order for me to examine myself and choose which pathway to travel. Here, in this grown-up world, we still have to perform the same self-examinations. The adversities we face still call for choices and still reveal whether we’re lazily going through the motions to fit in only on Sunday morning or whether we are pleasing God every day. I challenge you to conduct regular self-examinations. Your answers will be graded by the Holy Spirit and they will reveal the freedom in which you reside…the freedom to walk with God daily or the freedom to fit in the world.
(Hint: The Holy Spirit will not allow a child of God to rest comfortably in the world’s mediocrity.)

“Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into His likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.”
-II Corinthians 3:17, 18 (NIV)

Captured in His reflection,

Her Smile Is Hidden Behind Her Veil…Is Her Salvation Hidden Behind My Smile?

2009-08-17T05:34:00.002-05:00

From LaBelle to Jubail…a Born-Again Country Girl on Foreign Soil

My husband and I are temporarily living as residents in the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia (KSA). As our time grows long and weary in this dry, hot desert land, I have a better understanding of the word “foreign.” While growing up in the very small southeast Texas community of LaBelle, I never realized how different a place like Jubail, KSA could be. You see, this is my first time to travel overseas, much less live outside the United States of America. The name of the community in which I was raised is actually interpreted in French as “the girl.” I always thought this was very prophetic because my maiden name is translated “of the woods.” Thus I have always derived from this combination why I am so at home and comfortable being “the girl of the woods.” Not only did I grow up in a very rural and open country atmosphere, I could climb trees, roam through the woods, run with the wind and feel as free as a bird. I could also drive, get a job, shop, swim, boat, fish and become proficient in shooting competition against my three older brothers at the old magnolia tree on the back of our property. I could also partake of and enjoy so many more freedoms…which I realize now, I took for granted. I could attend the Church of my choice and worship my God without thinking twice about it. I could share Jesus with anyone. I could carry and read my Bible in public. I could bow my head in prayer, or lift my voice in praise and sing about the glorious name of Jesus anywhere I pleased. Believe me when I say to you now, I am ashamed to have ever unconsciously taken those freedoms for granted. I have had many hours here to think about all the opportunities given me which I let slip through my fingers. I always thought myself to be very appreciative and when I heard stories like those of Corrie Ten Boom, I knew I had so much to be thankful for yet now I fully realize I still took some things for granted. My Dad and three older brothers served in the Navy, my older son served in the Air Force and I, myself, lived on Randolph AFB while working at Fort Sam Houston in San Antonio, Texas during the Viet Nam war. I always had the first-hand knowledge and appreciation of those who served, fought and died to preserve my country’s freedom yet it still did not personally touch the depths of my soul until now.

Don’t misunderstand me; I have suffered no hardships whatsoever while living in Saudi Arabia, yet the experience of this culture has served to be a wakeup call from my Father. I was raised in what some refer to as a strict Southern Baptist home and for reasons still unbeknownst to me, while growing up I was not allowed to wear makeup, use hairspray, shave my legs or wear my skirts higher than the knee. I also was forbidden to sew on Sundays or wear long pants to a hospital. Weird huh? I know, but let’s suffice it to say I guess my parents had their own reasons for believing this way. This is before women wearing pants became such a common sight inside our churches, which of course, I was also never allowed to do. My sister and I were also told we could not ride our brothers’ horses because it was not “lady-like.” I’m just giving you a little background here to show you that my growing-up years were very awkward for me and very different from those of my peers. I’ve thought about my growing-up years a lot in comparison to the women of KSA. The fact that the women of Jubail are suppressed is an understatement. Though I grew up with some restrictions that were definitely stricter than those for most girls my age, it has still been very hard for me to fathom the “rules” which apply to adult females here. At the present time, I live in a compound surrounded by a very high, solid concrete wall topped with barbed wire. This wall has one entrance/exit which is guarded with machine guns, by the Arab military. Vehicles are stopped and the driver must be recognizable or the occupants are interrogated and searched as well as their vehicle searched before entering. Long-handled mirrors are waved underneath the vehicle as well. From the outside, the compound resembles that of a prison with the exception of the two-story dwellings in sight above the wall. The compound is protected by three guard posts manned with ak 47s. We live in a western compound, which means we (women) can dress as we please while within the walls; however, outside the compound, we must wear an abaya.

http://sandgetsinmyeyes.blogspot.com/2009/06/nothing-screams-modesty-like-10000.html

Women aren’t allowed to drive here. If I want it badly enough, I must request a driver to travel across the long bridge to Bahrain in order to purchase pork or bacon. (I dearly miss my maple bacon.) Jobs for women here are found in either schools or hospitals. I had to go to the hospital in order to complete some tests for my iquama which is a residence visa with multiple entry. While I was there, my husband sat in one waiting room…in fact, it was a huge lobby with a coffee service and vending machines, displays, etc. and I had to sit in another waiting room for women only…a small barren room with chairs. While sitting with the other women in this room, an Arab man walked by the doorway and flung his trash in the door on us. I sat in shock as I scanned the room reading the reactions of all the eyes barely seen behind black veils. There were mixed emotions but mainly looks of disgust. I thought to myself, what a waste of otherwise beautiful smiles, personalities, productive individuals and souls who are untouched by the freedom of the Bible and God’s saving grace. Women here are focused on for one thing, that is to further the Islamic population. An Arab male may have up to five wives “provided they are treated equally.”

http://susiesbigadventure.blogspot.com/2009/04/saudi-arabia-wastes-its-biggest-natural.html

I dearly miss female camaraderie. I miss smiling at new female acquaintances and having them smile back in return. I miss laughter, giggles and sharing. Needless to say, I do not speak out here. I merely smile and there are only eyes staring at me in return. Father, please forgive me if I’ve failed you. You see, people are beheaded for sharing Christ or the gospel with Muslims here. What a switch for this outgoing Christ follower to stifle herself…and the result is a battle within me which brings tears because I cannot comprehend my choices. However, I do live across the street from a young woman from Venezuela who (before I arrived) taught two Women of Faith Bible Studies within the compound walls. Praise the Lord! For that I am thankful! It is outside the walls of this dry, barren and thirsty land which plague my thoughts as I listen to five prayer calls each day. The muffled chanting over the loud speakers all over Saudi seems to shout confusion for so many lost souls. I drown it out pretending it is an auctioneer at the Houston Livestock Show and Rodeo! LOL! The only thing I’ve derived from these “prayer calls” is the scheduled practice of prayer itself. By that I mean businesses close their doors and things shut down five times a day for their disciplined praying time. I cannot fathom most Christians shutting down five times in a day in order to honor our Father on our knees with prayer and thanksgiving. This realization speaks to me loudly and reiterates the fact that I have taken my freedoms at home for granted. It seems we are given way more yet we give back way less.

And lastly, the absence of personal protection here is another thing vastly different than I am used to. Back home I teach Hunter Education for Texas Parks and Wildlife Department. I am a Texas Youth Hunting Program Huntmaster and I carry a CHL as well. As I previously mentioned, I grew up shooting with my family and was taught firearm safety and respect. Also, where I live in Texas it’s necessary to have a firearm close at hand for rattlesnakes and varmints. Has this been a culture shock for this little Browning-toting female? I dare say that it has! After all, Texas women come from a strong breed! I’ve come to understand though, that it is that very strength from my beloved Texan heritage along with my strength derived from God, first and foremost and also that of my country, the U.S.A., which enables me to carry on and embrace the journey here. Our God is LARGE! I will always cherish the opportunity given me to live in KSA temporarily, in order to renew my very deep appreciation for the freedoms and blessings which many have lived, fought and died to preserve back home. I dearly love and miss my country, The United States of America and my home state of Texas! You are the greatest this side of Heaven!

May God bless all our missionaries and military.
“Be strong and courageous…for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9

CAPTURED IN HIS REFLECTION,

Now You Are Ready

2009-08-13T02:54:00.004-05:00

The other day I read a post from one of my Facebook friends who wrote, “potential recognized, potential realized,” and she requested thoughts regarding her statement. My reply was as follows:

Someone else quoted H.W. Longfellow today: "We judge ourselves by what we are capable of doing, but others judge us by what we have done." And yet another said she'd heard, "We judge ourselves by our intentions; others judge us by our actions." The problem with both is the human factor involved in that "we" (humans) are doing the judging and surmising our own degrees of "potential." It's best when we doubt what we recognize as our potential and know how very inadequate we are...thereby placing our entire faith in God's insurmountable and omnipotent potential. Then and only then is His potential in us “realized.”

"For nothing is impossible with God." Luke 1:37 (NLT)

Well, the subject intrigued me. The main reason was that I had been dealing with this very thing ever since I shelved my infamous autobiography a few months ago. This was the book that was to be my personal GONE WITH THE WIND…but more than that, it was to be the accumulation of my life’s journey, complete with all the wrong turns which inevitably brought me here…to the foot of the cross…where He's teaching me once again. This book was to be something shared with other Christians who were floundering while riding a merry-go-round of disappointments and who were oblivious to God’s purpose in their lives; more importantly, who were oblivious to His presence through His Holy Spirit within them. And I wanted to document as I wrote this book that I couldn't help wondering as I rode this merry-go-round in my life, "Did our paths ever cross? Did you see me? Did you hear me?" I wanted this book to reach out...

Why did I shelve my book? I realized once again that God was sitting His daughter down to teach her…that would be me. And here I was in Saudi Arabia, sporting a bracelet engraved with the words, “Embrace the journey.” This was to be my adventure in a foreign land while I wrote my book...uh...for God. The organizing perfectionist within, once again had it all planned. Yet the plans were not my Father's, they were mine.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you... to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)

Instead God blessed me with writer’s block. Ever notice how He is so good at giving you what you least expect when you least expect it? Well that is so very true for us organized-perfectionist types who just know we are on the right track! After I faced my dismal wall, He also blessed me with a multitude of alone time to get me back on His track. He gave me a thirst in the desert that only He could satisfy. He gave me time alone so that I could be still and know Him better as I read and studied His Word. He gave me quiet to pray and seek Him out and to listen to His voice within. I couldn’t even drive in Saudi Arabia! So we began…just Him and me. We had a private refresher course in love and humility. That's when I came to the realization that my book would have the unintentional potential to hurt others. I realized this book was not orchestrated by God after all. That revelation hit me square in the face and knocked me down to my knees. Need I say more? When I am on my knees God has a captive audience and a willing pupil. Again, that would be me. Dumbfounded by this truth, I sat and thought, well what then? If everything I’ve been through cannot benefit others, then what is it, God, that you want me to do for you at this stage of my life? His answer… “Be patient…pray…wait…and understand (again) that your purpose is ENTIRELY about me and for me. It cannot and will not ever be about you or within your timeframe.” I prayed, "Father, how very weak and inadequate I am in following your will." That's when He said to me, "Now, you are ready." Tearfully, my eyes were clearly opened to the fact that I had been utilizing the talents gifted me while judging my own potential...instead of focusing on His. “Again? I've done it again! I hear you, Lord."

This caused me to reflect…and guess what? God had purposely made the time available here in Saudi Arabia for me to do that also. I was eleven years old when I accepted Christ as my personal Savior and I was fifteen years old when I again walked down the isle of the same little country church to surrender my life to God’s call into special service for Him...the music ministry. I had been singing in church since I was eleven and there was nothing I could do better to serve God than to give Him the glory in the gift He’d given me. He had blessed me with so much more than a singing voice. He allowed me, at a very young age, to experience hurt and brokenness which captured me in His reflection even then and He ministered through my singing. I longed to reside there...close to Him and within the protection of His love. This insight gave me so much understanding in the depth of meaning and the feeling behind the words in the songs I sang. I not only sang of that deep meaning from my heart, I felt if I couldn’t live what the words expressed, I should not stand before others and proclaim them. The understanding of each song's origin, it's nature, compassion and truth that He blessed me with in conveying those written words are what He caused to touch the hearts and lives of others. There was never a doubt in my mind that God was using me for His glory and I was so excited and willing to serve Him. I can remember so much happiness at that stage in my life. It was not an easy task for my small church to award me a music scholarship to East Texas Baptist College and I was on the mountain top! Little did I know that God would ultimately be my life teacher and not simply my avenue toward this tremendous opportunity. He knew, at that very time, the lessons I was about to face. Lesson one, and I miserably failed. My world cratered when my parents told my pastor and music director that I would not leave home except on the arm of a husband. While in shock, I forgave them yet I still married quickly just in order to leave home. So much happened, so many mistakes were made before I understood that even this had the capacity to be part of God’s long-range plan. Though He blessed me with two wonderful sons in my first marriage, it still took me years of anguish and pain before I finally understood how the Master Refiner melted away my impurities while holding me in the flames. You see, that devastation cast over me years ago was the beginning of my merry-go-round ride through life. Of course, I realize now…through all my wrong turns…that God had so much more to teach me in order to use me in recognizing His potential and not my own. Ever think that you know what you know that you know because you know? That’s where I was…much like “knowing” a while back that I was supposed to write my autobiography “for God.” It’s taken me many years, but the most recent lesson I’ve finally learned is that God will forever be my teacher and He will continually reprimand His children. He used the brokenness in me to teach me that perfection and completeness can only be found in Him and His healing and comfort were given me in order for me to show others those same qualities. I know in order for Him to continually shine through me, I have to let go of my own plans and rely entirely on Him. An organized perfectionist is still in my nature but now it causes me to laugh at myself more often than not. I also continue to catch myself falling off track and He still uses my mistakes and my inadequacies to remind me WHO is in control. I'm completely His now, so I remember that it's not my limited and obvious potential others are to see, it's the limitless horizons of my omnipotent Father. I also know that the only way to achieve His purpose in me is for me to stay focused on Him and not on myself or this world...but to honor Him with my presence continually and to give Him my availability without the hesitation of focusing on my own ability. How do I do that? I remain...

CAPTURED IN HIS REFLECTION.

“Are we beginning again to tell you how good we are? Some people need to bring letters of recommendation with them or ask you to write letters of recommendation for them. But the only letter of recommendation we need is you yourselves! Your lives are a letter written in our hearts, and everyone can read it and recognize our good work among you. Clearly, you are a letter from Christ prepared by us. It is written not with pen and ink, but with the Spirit of the living God. It is carved not on stone, but on human hearts. We are confident of all this because of our great trust in God through Christ. It is not that we think we can do anything of lasting value by ourselves. Our only power and success come from God.” 2 Corinthians 3:1-5 (NLT)