Thursday, March 1, 2012

Because of Jesus, I Am More

As most of you know, I love to sing and I truly worship deeply through music. Well, when music speaks to me, I follow God’s leading and I write. Such is the case here.

While attending a Women of Faith conference in 2007, I will never forget the multitude of hands that went up all over the Alamodome in San Antonio, Texas, when the question was asked, “How many here have been abused during their lifetime?” I was overwhelmed in tears to actually visualize the answer to a nine-year-old girl’s question so many years ago. “I feel so confused…so dirty…so ashamed…so alone…I am different…there’s nobody else like me…I don’t feel loved…why did this have to happen…am I the only one this has ever happened to?” Through my eyes at nine years old, I could never have conceived such a view as I saw in 2007. There are not enough adjectives to describe the shame and guilt which accompanies sexual abuse. There are not enough words to explain how a girl of eleven years, accepting Christ as her personal Savior, could be so wrought with pain and repentance due to all those adjectives. The desperation in wanting cleanliness and the determination in forgetting…there are no words except, “Because of Jesus, I am more.”



Just last month, I encountered the same emotional experience as I did in 2007. I was called to jury duty and asked very in-depth questions concerning sexual child-abuse. I live in a small town and hundreds of people were called as possible jurors. As my questioning became more and more thorough, I faced answering explicit questions very truthfully. Since the crime of my childhood was hushed by my parents and not reported to authorities and I never received any counseling, I had never encountered nor answered such thought-provoking questions. Here I was, again, seeing a room full of hands going up along with mine as the questions pierced our very souls. When there are no words, sometimes I just cry. It brings to mind so many hurting individuals. I think of all the young girls victimized by sex trafficking and I cry.



Just for a moment, he tried…but no, Satan did not steal my joy…He can’t. Jesus is my JOY and “Because of Jesus, I am more.”

So, I continue to draw closer to my Lord, to live out the complexities of my life with God as my Center. He is the ONLY WAY I know how. I will remain focused on Him while forgiving and loving in the same way He has forgiven and loved me…for He is the clear definition of unconditional love.

And above all else, I will continue to pray…

Dear Lord, You are my Maker and You, alone, know the depths of my heart. I love You and I praise You for the lessons You have taught me. You knew what experiences I would encounter throughout my life and You have used the trials to grow me and make me a stronger servant. You have instilled in me an endless sense of compassion and caring…Your compassion and Your caring…for others and sometimes I cry for those who are so confused, hurting and groping for answers…but because of You, I know I am more and they can be also. Father, the lessons You have taught me through the many trials I failed, seem now to be my very lifeline to others who are struggling to find Your way. Please continue to walk with me and guide me each step of Your way. And Father, for those who are involved or who have been involved in abuse, please may they see Your eternal escape route. May they realize there will never be peace or joy until they come to know they can only be more through You. Father, may they find You through me and others who listen intently and follow You. In the precious name of Jesus, I pray. Amen.

“God comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.” II Corinthians 1:4

Captured in His reflection,

2 comments:

Leah @ Point Ministries said...

Oh my,I had no idea, Mary. I am so sorry about what you experienced in childhood. God bless you as you continue to heal.

Mary McKinzie said...

Thank you for your caring comment, Leah. As you know, our Lord's love is so much bigger than any circumstances we ever find ourself in. I constantly choose JOY and only regress briefly into the past when God lays something on my heart to share...for His reasons.
Love you,
~Mary